BOSTON UNIVERSITY— Researchers have just published a study researching a new trend wherein BU freshmen become disproportionately trapped in the first floor men’s bathroom of the College of Communications more often than anywhere else on campus.
The study was in part sparked when BUPD discovered Robert Easton (COM ’21) and Sean Watt (COM ’21) in a state of immobilization, having accidentally gotten themselves wedged in between the row of urinals along the wall of the bathroom and the wall separating said urinals from the sinks on the other side. Watt was found crushed between the wall and Easton’s body, while Easton was trapped between Watt’s body and a urinal. Both students were wearing backpacks, a fact later confirmed to have caused the situation.
When asked how the incident came to be, Watt responded: “I was peeing in the first urinal in the row [see diagram], and Robert tried to get past me to the other urinals that were free down the row. We were both wearing backpacks, and when he tried to squeeze through, we got wedged. It was a disaster waiting to happen.”
In an official statement, the university alleged that the freshmen were not discovered by other students because of the Thanksgiving recess, during which most students were off campus.
Easton and Watt are hardly the first students to have been trapped by the notorious COM building bathroom, which has been dubbed “The Narrows” by upperclassmen due to the mere one-and-a-half feet distance between the wall and the urinals, which does not allow two people to fit side by side unless they are both without backpacks.
According to the study, last year alone there were five different instances of freshmen accidentally wedging themselves in between the wall and the urinals. In one of those instances, two psychology majors—who had been in the COM building for their late evening International Relations class—were found dead from starvation after being trapped for almost two weeks over winter break.
“That bathroom just isn’t safe for freshmen,” said senior researcher Josh Hardon. “I’ve been in COM for more than three years now, and I’ve seen too many of them fall victim to The Narrows. They really should just knock it down and replace it with a Starbucks or an additional Integrated Life and Sciences building… just something less hazardous.”
Boston University president Robert A. Brown called the study “harrowing” and “a shocking wakeup call regarding university bathroom policy.” In the latter quote, Brown was assumedly referring to BU’s longtime consideration of a university rule which would prohibit students from using the bathroom in question without first taking off their backpacks.
Fortunately for the university(‘s reputation and budget), Easton and Watt are reported to be on their way to full recovery. Both students have already accepted requests from film majors to have their story made into a documentary. Trusted sources have revealed that the planned title for the movie is 127 Hours II: Catastrophe in COM.
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