Dear jocks, fitness obsessors, preppy people, and those who got the “high” end of housing this year,
My, what an amazing work ethic you all have. And by work, we mean work out. On average, how many hours a day do you spend at the gym? 15? 20? 75? How do you deal with your constantly sore body? You must always feel self-conscious being grouped in with the most fit people in Boston. The pressure is probably real.
Is it annoying to have to dress well every single day? I mean, it’s West. You can’t walk around in any old sweatshirt or business casual attire. How do you maintain the demand for Vineyard Vines and Lulu Lemon? You might as well go all-out and wear formal, awards show-esque white tie attire. Congratulations! Award for most extra on campus goes to you!
It must really suck to have to wake up an extra hour early just to make sure you can get to classes on time. Or to have to deal with the ever-so reliable BU bus. Do you get cold having to walk all the way to PSY for your 8 a.m. psych lecture? How dare you take 30 minutes out of your gym time to walk to class? Where are your priorities??
How does it feel not having the deliciousness that is Late Night? What do you do when it’s 1 in the morning and you don’t want to be stuck eating a multi-grain, overly healthy pita? Even though you have access to Chipotle, Starbucks, Cane’s, two pizzerias and Target, it must be really rough when you get a hankering on a weekday evening. How do you survive with such limited choices?
You may not have access to the glory of 1 a.m. cheesy fries, but your short commute to Allston is unparalleled. How does your liver handle going out every single day of the week? Do you ever actually stay in? Oh, wait. You probably don’t know what “staying in” is. It’s this thing that people do, every once in a while, where they don’t go to a party. Sometimes we stay in the dorms and hang out with our friends. But here’s the catch: there’s no alcohol. I know this may be a shock to you, but it’s actually kinda fun. You should try it sometime.
We know that this is a lot to ask of you, especially given your heavy leg day schedule this week, but it’d be cool if you got back to us in a timely manner, even if you’re probably too busy logging your diet.
Everyone East of the BU Bridge