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The 10 Heaviest College Football Players

We all remember this guy:  

6’7, 410-pound LaQuon McGowan was the king of college football’s big boys for some years, but recently went undrafted and has left some rather large shoes to fill for the rest of our collegiate athletes.

 

This Top 10 is not just dedicated to large football players. The brave men who made this list are those who are the heaviest in relation to their vertical stature. Those who give you the most bang for your buck, and who leap out of the television screen into your living room. Those who eat other football players for breakfast and/or a mid-day snack. Ladies and gentlemen, the heaviest football players in all the land:

 

10.) OL Richard Merritt #57  6’5, 365 lbs. Maryland:

 

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Richard also likes to dabble in philosophy. In April, he tweeted: “All love not good love.” So true.

 

9.) OL Christopher Misaalefua #79  6’5, 375 lbs. UTEP:

 

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“Try to be like a turtle at ease in your own shell” -Bill Copeland. That quote is from Chris’ weekly website. He played basketball in high school, too.

 

8.) K Joey Julius #99  5’10, 271 lbs.  Penn State:

 

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Bonus points for being a kicker, but also for being a hardo. This guy lays people OUT.

 

7.) OL Jason Stewart #71  6’5, 360-389 lbs. Tulane:

 

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Fox Sports lists Jason’s weight at 389 lbs, but his school roster lists him at 360. This guy is pure mystery.

 

6.) DL Jeremy Patterson #92  6’3, 350 lbs. Wisconsin:

 

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According to the Wisconsin football website, Jeremy is majoring in family studies and human development. Certainly, a fitting major.

 

5.) OL/DL Mike Onwenu #50 6’3, 350 lbs.  Michigan:

 

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Big Mike claims he gets his size from eating a lot of grapes and other fruits. Maybe he’s onto something…

 

4.) DL Bryce English #34  5’11, 332 lbs.  North Texas:

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Bryce has the style and the bang for your buck we look for in our ideal big men. He also likes doing Hawaiian dances with old women. North Texas found a diamond in the rough here.

 

3.) OL Micah St. Andrews #73  6’3, 358 lbs. Fresno State:

 

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Micah’s got two tree trunks for legs. Wow, those things are solid oak.

 

2.) OL Christian Haangana #70  6’4, 375 lbs. Washington State:

 

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You know the old saying for football players “You couldn’t catch him in a phone booth”?  One literally couldn’t catch this dude in a phone booth. He wouldn’t fit, and probably eats phone booths for breakfasts. 

 

1.) OL Malik Martin #70  6’3, 370 lbs. Alabama:

 

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Alabama always wins. That’s the way college football works. God forbid this guy winds up with the ball in his hands and someone tries to tackle him low. We’d pay big money to see that.

 

Honorable Mentions:

 

OL Nate Herbig #63  6’4, 350 lbs. Stanford

OL Frank Lopez #68  6’0, 332 lbs. Texas

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This is the world we live in right now. These people are real and exist on our planet. You can watch them every Saturday, throwing all 340+ pounds of themselves into other human beings. Don’t try this at home.

Are you in class right now? Don’t worry, you can still leave.

Posted by The Black Sheep on Monday, October 17, 2016

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