It’s the beginning of the year; you’re fresh out of recruitment, and you’re on the hunt. A hunt for a child to love, mentor, and “haze” like hell. When you become a Big sister, it’s important to remember that your Little looks up to you, so try not to murder her via alcohol poisoning during the first week. Here are some dos and don’ts for parenting your little!
DO Answer All of Her Questions:
Your Little is new to the srat life, so it’s important to answer her questions about hazing, house orgies, and monthly ritualistic sacrifices of the goats somewhat truthfully.
DON’T Give her Cliché Canvases:
Here’s to you, here’s to me, Big and Little we will CEASE TO BE IF YOU GIVE HER ANY DUMB SHIT LIKE THIS.
DO Pack a Machete in Her Lunch Bag:
You must NEVER let your Little go to lunch without a machete. This will help her ward off fuckboys lurking in heavily congested areas like student centers and libraries.
DON’T Let Her Eat Dirt
Although she may be tempted, and beg you several times to eat the dirt off of the ground, DO NOT allow this behavior. When Littles ingest dirt they turn into gremlins that trash your apartment, and do your laundry all wrong. Ya know like when the white kinda looks pink? Looking at you, Tiffany.
DON’T Let Her Binge Drink…Alone
Your Little looks up to you, so she’s going to want to be able to drink fifteen Lime-A-Ritas just like you. You know that if she even attempts this, she’ll probably die. So make sure she doesn’t do it alone.
DO Feed Her Frequently:
In order for her to grow big enough to be her own Big one day, you must feed your Little on a regular basis. Construct a healthy diet for her, like avocados, kale, pizza, kale pizza, and bourbon.
DON’T Spoil Her:
Try not to spoil your baby by revealing to her that her Big is the shit right away. Some girls aren’t fortunate enough to have cool Bigs, and she should learn and respect this fact.
DO Let Her Share Your Stuff:
She’s your sister now, which means you share everything. This includes, but is not limited to: makeup, toothbrushes, underwear, alcohol, and the crippling fear of having to live at home post-graduation.
DON’T Shake Her Back and Forth:
When you first receive your Little, you might be excited to finally have someone to look after and boss around like your Big did to you. Don’t let your excitement get the better of you and shake her back and forth. This may cause Sudden Little Death syndrome or (SLDS).
DO Teach Her Strength:
Start with her liver. If that young thing can survive the eighteen Jell-O shots you just forced down her throat that means the rest of her organs are strong too.
DON’T Not Be There For Her:
The most important thing is that you’re there for her through thick and thin. If you’re not willing to be her wingman and flirt with creepy Greg wearing three polos over there at the bar, how is she going to get with his friend who’s only wearing one?
The bond between Big and Little is special, and you really don’t want to fuck it up in the beginning, or it’ll be weird forever. Use these helpful tips to make sure you’re doing it right, and enjoy your newly blossoming friendship!