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5 Absolutely True Facts About 2016 UIUC Graduation Speaker Jeff Huber

 

Before UIUC seniors enter the “real world” and are forced to stop mooching off their parents, there’s one more boring lecture that seniors have to sit through – and you can’t skip this one. Yep, it’s the commencement ceremony! This year’s speaker is an ’89 alum of Illinois, Jeff Huber, former Google executive and present CEO of Grail, a company that’s helping develop a technology to detect early stage cancer. To prepare you for graduation, The Black Sheep dug up some facts about Huber so you know the facts behind the man lecturing you about “finding your path.”

 

5.) Huber Applied to be the Football Coach:

Following the firing of head coach Bill Cubit in March, Huber applied to be the new coach, claiming his background of being an Illinois alum that witnessed disappointing football would help him out greatly in leading the team to several more sub-par seasons with atrocious recruiting classes and no offensive identity. If Josh Whitman weren’t the Athletic Director, Huber would’ve had a much better chance of getting the job over that Lovie dude.

 

4.) Huber’s Best Friend in College was Grainger Bob:

Huber used to hang out with Grainger Bob every day while he was taking breaks from studying inside the Grainger library. Huber and Bob would get stoned together and chill outside reading books.

 

3.) Huber Used to Sit by Himself at the Dining Hall:

Of course Jeff Huber used to sit alone in the dining hall. Nobody becomes successful enough to one day be asked to come back to speak at a commencement ceremony for their university unless they didn’t have friends in college. Although, Huber is laughing at all those people that had friends in college because now he’s way, way richer. Moral of the story: the more of a loser you are in college, the happier you’ll be later.

 

2.) Huber Wasn’t Very Good With the Ladies in College, Except for That One Night at KAM’s:

While Huber could often be seen taking pictures for Instagram at the Alma Mater mural inside KAM’s, he didn’t have much success in pulling hoes during his nights out at the bars. However, Huber gave The Black Sheep an inside story about one night during his junior year. “It was a rainy January evening in 1988. I was walking into KAM’s and I was going to go buy a Blue Guy when this woman brushes up against my shoulder. It was very crowded and she was carrying two drinks back to her boyfriend, but it was very sensual.”

 

1.) Huber’s Favorite Food is Octopus Salad:

After getting his master’s at Harvard (which is basically the Illinois of the New England-area), he began eating a lot of fish and found out that octopus is his favorite food, especially when mixed into a salad. So, the man that is going to guide graduates from UIUC on the way to the rest of their life loves octopus salad.

 

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