There has been more construction to Oxford then on an L.A. trophy wife in the past few years. Most of us believe that it’s due to the rapid growth of the university and the privileged few know it’s because of the generous donations from The Network. While this boom is long awaited and much appreciated, all the roundabouts, overpasses, and pitfalls in Oxford have become a real life Mario Kart track and with that we know of some useful items for navigating life around town.
5.) Stock Up On Shells:
Next time you’re at Sardis or out on Whirlpool trail keep an eye out for turtles, they are by far the most invaluable assets in your arsenal. Whether someone is driving a little too close or you want to send a message to the guy who cut you off, turtle shells are the way to go. Pro tip: paint them red and they work way better.
4.) Lightning In a Bottle:
The nifty lightning attack would be extremely useful when avoiding a collision on a road that has a traffic light out and aside from survival it would be awesome in daily life as well. Imagine being at the end of the Chick-fil-A drive-thru and you whip this bad boy out and cruise over the matchbox cars under you (in a humane way) to your order.
3.) A Little Love Goes a Long Way:
This item may already be in use by the sorority girls. You know the ones you see on the side of the road who have just rear ended in their Jeep while tweeting about last night’s episode of The Bachelorette. We’ve seen men march out of their trucks fuming, but these girls know exactly how to use the heart icon to play on a man’s chivalry.
2.) Coins on Coins on Coins:
The Square being what it is now (a giant pay for use parking lot), having coins seems like a no-brainer. We’re not talking about regular quarters; gold coins would be the platinum pass (or Gold Standard) for parking on the Square. Putting one of those bad boys in a parking meter should give you a full service cleaning of your car. If they could double as a “get out of jail free” option for parking tickets on campus, that’d be even sweeter.
1.) Star Power:
Nothing tops the star. The most iconic item of the video game would be your free pass to go anywhere and do anything. Never late for class, any parking space for your use, never worrying about getting a speeding ticket or running a red light. The star allows you to do whatever you want no matter what. Hell, you could get drive-thru at Ajax with the star, if you were so inclined.
With all of Oxford’s new twists, turns, and the constant mind-numbing construction, it only makes sense to go out and arm yourself for the road war on its way.