Homecoming in college is worlds different than high school Homecoming—you don’t get to be pampered for the day and decorate your locker for the week, but you do get to have a damn good time being your inappropriate college self. UMD, especially, gives several perfect opportunities to embarrass yourself during this fun-filled week. The Black Sheep has gathered a few ideas that should help you to optimize your Homecoming experience as a Terp. And by “optimize,” we mean “things to do when you’re drunk off your ass.”
5.) Pretty Yo’Self Up:
Still have those super-expensive gowns from high school? Here’s your chance to wear ’em again! Yes, guys, you can do this too. Especially if you’re drunk—it’ll be a ball! We recommend twirling around in the fountain and declaring yourself Homecoming Queen. Don’t be afraid live out those dreams you thought were lost causes—Homecoming is all about you!
4.) Go to Every Sporting Event:
You will never ever have a better opportunity in your life to have a real actual excuse as to why your homework isn’t completed. Just say you were too busy being a hardass and repping our athletes. No professor is going to shun you for having a spirited attitude (We are not responsible for your F if this fails. Which it very well might).
3.) Quench Your Thirst:
Homecoming is a celebration, and we all know what celebrating college students do. So go forth—be happy, say cheers, and throw those bottoms up. Turn that hesitation to go out and drink into a HELL YEAH, HAND ME A BEER. We won’t judge.
2.) Do What Makes You Happy:
It’s a happy week, so you should be just as cheerful. Do what you love: masturbate, eat two gallons of ice cream, watch porn, dance naked, never leave your bed… whatever you want—that’s the beauty of it! This is your opportune time to show everyone your true self, if your drunken self has not already done so…
1.) Be the Turtle:
Yes, as we said, Homecoming is about you, but more than that it’s about Testudo! What better way to show your love than to act like him? We encourage you to wear a shell on your back, ask people to rub your nose, and even buy a pet turtle (you won’t regret that purchase) and walk him down the mall to show your UMD pride. Don’t forget to praise the real Testudo though—be sure to shower him in gifts! He’ll repay you during finals.
Overall, Homecoming is whatever you make of it. We’ve given you a few ideas to start with, but there is so much crazy shit you could do to make this the kind of memorable week that it’s meant to be. Whether that’s participating in some ridiculous drunk activity, acting like a turtle for a week, or never leaving the vicinity of your room, all that matters is that you’re celebrating the way a Terp should (but please do refrain from getting arrested)!