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A Judgmental Map of Strozier Library

 

The name “Strozier” carries a different meaning depending on which FSU student you ask. To some, it’s a place to relax, check social media, and see friends on weekdays. For others, it’s a thankless void that has witnessed some ugly all-nighters and moments of existential crises. Conflicting opinions on what a “study area” really means create a warm and fertile cesspool for judgment. The Black Sheep has labelled the different regions of Strozier’s main floor in order to let you know if you’ve been silently judged all along.

 

Click the map to enlarge!

 

strozier

 

Privileged Go-Getters:

These students manage to sign up for the limited study room time slots during exam week. They are the same ones who take all the spots for your required courses during class registration and get the first wave of football tickets for the biggest home games.   

 

Netflix Station:

People group in this area based on their inability to give a fuck. They’re watching the new season finale of House of Cards while you’re stressing about the paper you’ve put off all semester, and they just flat out don’t give a shit. 

 

Desperate English Majors:

They’re harder to judge, because very few know they exist. The special collections section of Strozier is unofficially reserved for people who know how to use “whom” in a sentence. (Or is it “whom know how?”) They’ve read more Victorian novels this semester than you’ve read BuzzFeed Top 10 lists.   

 

Study Guide Answers/Chatty Greeks:

If we’re putting it nicely, this is a rambunctious group. They hold claim to some of the loudest people on the first floor and they definitely have a grade-defining test in the near future. Keep in mind there is no one in the whole building with more judgmental thoughts than a tutor who’s essentially asked to complete an entire study guide for a student who “doesn’t go to class much.” 

 

Campers:

Close cousins of “The Privileged” but not quite as proactive. They’ve just been at the library longer than you and refuse to get up. Nothing gets them off more than watching you walk by all the occupied booths and tables, hoping for a vacant spot, before defeatedly climbing the stairs to the second floor. 

 

Coffee Addicts:

Make sure not to cut them in line because they haven’t slept in 36 hours and their Adderall is starting to wear off. They’d freebase caffeine if they could, but they didn’t pay attention in their high school chemistry lab so it’s a little too risky. Order as fast as possible or you’ll hear a wild stampede of impatient foot-tapping.  

 

Honorable Mention: The Basement:

After circling the first floor 8 times, you may find yourself on the basement floor. This is the holiest of all library floors and it requires a great deal of respect for customs. Do not, under any conceivable circumstance, make noise. If you have the audacity to receive an un-silenced call in this realm, you will be met with hateful stares so intense that even the new Strozier statue would blush.  

 

Now you can’t say that we didn’t warn you. Enjoy studying with the knowledge that at least one person around you hates your guts for whatever it is you’re doing. Remember: put your phone on silent and be absolutely certainty that nobody is impressed by what you’re writing on the whiteboard.

 

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