We’ve all heard it: Netflix and Chill. It’s an epidemic sweeping our campus. Devious assholes in striped Ralph Lauren polos and Masters hats luring women to their apartments or dorms to partake in a little cinematic pleasure and some, well… “chill.” But is it really as bad as we all perceive it? After all, ask any girl at UT and they will tell you it’s a trap. A devious trap set up by guys who perceive themselves as silver-tongued. But what exactly does “chill” mean for Vols? The Black Sheep took a look.
Research shows only 1 out of every 10 males who attempt to get a girl to Netflix and Chill succeed. This leaves only a small population of women who really know the true meaning behind Netflix and Chill. We set out to find these brave women and ask them what “chill” truly dictates. Our questioning led us to one young female who was ballsy enough to accept an invitation from a smooth criminal. What she told us shook our sure-fire image of horny bastards to the core.
The Netflix part of our storyteller’s night went completely as one would think it would: A couple hours of mindlessly staring at a laptop screen and trying ever so hard to shake off the looming awkwardness in the room. What came next utterly flabbergasted the nervous young woman. Her viewing counterpart offered to make her dinner! At first we thought this may just be a suave cat with more cards to play than he knows what to do with, but then the night took an unexpected turn (mostly because how the hell do you prepare a dinner in a Reese dorm room?).
After finishing a delicious, four-course, Italian-inspired dinner, the duo decided that a walk around campus was the right move in between traffic barrels and abandoned bulldozers was a nice idea. The guy talked the entire waltz, leaving our source absolutely dumbfounded at his intelligence and sophistication. Ayres Hall was their destination.
They sat and smoked a cigarette and the guy talked more, and then out of the blue he pulls two parachutes out of his backpack as if he was auditioning for the Point Break remake. What happened next might you ask? The two base jumped off of Ayres Hall and gently floated down into Pres Court where the guy had a quartet of violins and a candlelit table, sheathed in white cloth waiting on them. They partook in a well-prepared dessert course and then stealthily headed back up the stairwell of South Carrick to the girl’s room where he gently laid our source to bed, kissed her goodnight, and disappeared into the darkness.
This guy, who could’ve very well been Bruce Wayne, is a real hero for all of us average males out there for ultimately defining “chill.” Girls, don’t be one of those 9 of 10 that brushes off an invite to Netflix and Chill. Going to a random guy’s dorm late at night to watch movies is one thing, but going there to watch movies and chill, well, that’s a totally different story. Accepting a Netflix and Chill invite is probably the best decision you could ever make in your life. Who knows what adventures these arrogant bastards could be taking you on!? When it’s all said and done, “chill” is still truly undefined, but there’s real gentlemen out there making a difference one chill at a time.
Or maybe that girl was just on some really strong hallucinogens that night…