According to science, there’s only one thing with the ability to ruin the magic that is syllabus week for students and teachers alike, and that thing is nerds. Last Wednesday, undercover reporters from The Black Sheep got the inside scoop on FSU nerds as they sat in on a Geology 1101 lecture.
It was 8 a.m. in Roger’s Hall and as far as the naked eye could tell nobody was happy. As Professor Stonewall was explaining his office hours, a hand- belonging to none other than a nerd- shot up.
“Would you rather we show up closer to 10 than 11? Or closer to 11?”
Groans bounced off the walls like church bells as everybody thought, “Great, there’s a nerd in the class.” Stonewall dismissed the question with a blunt “Any time between 10 and 11 is fine.”
At 8:05 a.m. the nerd was far from finished with his relentless inquiries.
“It says here on the calendar that we have a Discussion Board question due this Thursday. Are we supposed to have that done before class?”
People all around were squirming in their seats. You could hear their eyes rolling. The nerd had no shame in knowing he was about to ruin any chance his classmates had at late submissions. “Yes,” the professor said.
Whilst discussing the mid-semester paper at 8:07 a.m., the professor was interrupted by a hand in the air. The nerd eagerly asked, “Do you want us to write in MLA format according to the 7th edition handbook, or the 8th? Because by that time the 8th edition will just have been published.” Students found solace glaring at one another in shared contempt of the nerd. Stonewall said to “just use Purdue OWL.”
At 8:16 a.m., the class was nearing the end of their syllabus review. Only a nerd would ask a question concerning the Academic Honors Policy, and that is exactly what this nerd did. “So if we wanted to cite something you said in class on the discussion board, should we put Stonewall and the date in parentheses?” (Nerd). Stonewall responded with a resounding “No.”
A recent poll dishearteningly suggests that there is at least one nerd in every class at FSU. Even with a moderate amount of subtle discouragement from peers and professors, nerds do not seem to be backing down anytime soon. If you find yourself stuck in a class with a nerd, do not resort to extreme measures that might place the nerd, your peers, or yourself in harm’s way. Instead, try using adult coloring books to calm down. Available on websites like Etsy for as little as $10.99, adult coloring books will have you coloring the realms of a fantasy world in which no nerds reside. Put your mind at ease by filling in intricate designs with any color of your choosing. Relish in the fact that nerds will never be as artsy as you with your new book.