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Bernie Sanders Implores Beyoncé to Make Concerts Affordable for Students

 

Beyoncé may have shocked us all with her unapologetic love of carrying around hot sauce in her bag, but that doesn’t mean her true fans love her any less. Beyoncé’s concerts are quickly selling out as reports come in that tickets are going for a baseline of $250 each. To the average college student, that is the equivalent of one used textbook. While many students find that Beyoncé is so worth selling a kidney for, one man has had enough. He is starting a revolution, swirling up students and their passion for free items.

 

Bernie Sanders wants to make Beyoncé affordable for all. Bernie wants to make tickets roughly the same price as a cheap dinner at Red Lobster.

 

“I sold my firstborn for tickets, and it was so worth it,” Abby, a sophomore at Pitt, says. “I haven’t had him yet, but I do have my ‘Yonce tickets.”

 

As tuition prices skyrocket, concert ticket prices have followed suit. Tickets can go for as high as 2-3 textbooks, where backstage passes will cost about 3 semesters of tuition, as long as you’re an instate concert-goer. Those making the pilgrimage into a new state can expect to pay 2-3 times more for the same ticket experience.

 

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Bernie argues that lowering ticket prices will allow more students to go to the concerts, thereby raising merchandise sales and providing a slight boost to the local economy. His economists also suggest a sliding scale ticket price for Beyoncé—that way she can “tax” her more wealthy fans, like the Obamas.

 

Speaking of our current Commander in Chief, he is quietly at work writing in what is unofficially being called the “Beyoncé Clause” for our constitution. This clause would change the preamble to say, “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Flawlessness.” There is no comment on whether or not Sanders supports this clause or not, but we here at The Black Sheep are going to go out on a limb here to say that he would be in full support.

 

As for making other tickets more reachable, there is no word on the progress for Hamilton tickets. Beyoncé herself has said that she will be using the profits from her concert to pay for her family to see Hamilton. It’s a tough world out there for everyone, which has many people #FeelingTheBern in this upcoming election. Especially since in response, Trump has announced that he will in fact place a “Fun Tax” on all concert and musical tickets—with the exemption of Nickelback concerts, they’re not fun.

 

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