Ah, the Free and For Sale page at Pitt. You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Anything from books to used lingerie and quite literally everything in between can be found on this Facebook page. If you’re like The Black Sheep, you probably just follow the page to see what kind of dumb/overpriced/gross crap people post. We decided to collect a file of these such items over the last week or so. Here are the highlights:
The Bunny Bragger
Come on now. There is nothing free or for sale here. We get it, you have a bunny. While that thing is hella adorable, we think it’s you who “needs some interaction with her own species.” In the meantime, Kingsley, if you are somehow a hyper intelligent rabbit and can read this: run before your “friend” has the “what are we?” convo with you.
The Spurned Lover
Used Michael Kors watch? Never been worn? Looks like someone just found out that her bae had a few other ladies prowling about campus right before his birthday or their anniversary. Honey, we feel for you, but not enough to shell over that much to buy your watch. How about this instead, you call us and we’ll take you to a seafood dinner. Yes, all of us.
The Obvious Upperclassman
What made this one stick out? Perhaps it was the simplicity. Perhaps it was the oddness of the request. I mean seriously though, you’re going to just up and buy a mattress off of Facebook? How many questions will you ask before purchasing it? What’s your highest offer? Will you have it fumigated? Will you just drag it through the muddy streets of South Oakland? This entry asks far more questions than it answers.
The “He Doesn’t Even Go Here”
Bro, BRO! Do you even know where you are right now? You best take your damn child molesting tickets and peddle that shit somewhere else. Ok, we came off a little strong there, but if we learned anything from that time we accidentally walked into a business lecture it’s that you need to know your buyer. Maybe if you were selling a lock of Dan Marino’s hair you’d have some success, but tickets to a PSU game? No way, bro.
The Gross and Tacky
We don’t know about you, but when we read the above post, all we saw was “guy trying to look cool realized that these are the least practical shoes in the history of running wants to pawn these on someone even dumber than he is.” Also, size 42? Either this man is a giant or he’s from some gross country (anywhere that isn’t America) where they measure foot size in *gags* centimeters.
The Grosser and Tackier
There is definitely a story behind this bucket and honestly we would be willing to pay $5 just to hear it. But please keep your bucket because there is no way in hell that anyone would want that anywhere close to any place that they call home. We wouldn’t even let a campus squirrel eat out of that thing. We might let a pigeon do it though.
The Spurned Lover, Part 2
Bet you wish you could go back in time and not buy those tickets right? But seriously, ladies, this page is starting to get really sad. Have you not read our guide to cuffing season? As above, we feel for you and we hope that you have a good time while you “sit on someone’s couch and drink wine.” Throw us an invite to that and we’ll let you tag along on our seafood dinner.