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Bring On the Grease: Fast Food We Need at Ole Miss

Driving through town looking for something fast to eat is putting people at their wits end. We’ve all had our fair share of Chick-fil-A and Wendy’s and, sure, we’re in Mississippi and variety is hard to come by, but there should be more to eat in a college town at noon than McDonald’s. So we put together some suggestions of places we need at Ole Miss.

 

Whataburger

The student population of Ole Miss is roughly 30% Texan, so if Whataburger wasn’t made a priority on this list then there would be anarchy. If you know any Texan, within the first two minutes of talking to them they would bring up this heaven, painted with orange stripes. After a while you would tell them to shut up or that Houston smells, but go to any location closest to you and get the double cheeseburger on Texas toast with jalapenos and you’ll understand why they won’t shut up about it.

 

Waffle House

The bars close around 1 a.m., Waffle House is open 24/7. It doesn’t matter how drunk you are either, the Waffle House staff are trained to deal with anything from drunken sorority girl to Gary Busey. Syrup-drenched waffles the size of your face is the perfect cure for the drunchies. And, sure, there’s a Huddle House here already, but that’s like getting Fruit Lupus instead of Froot Loops at the grocery store; only the real deal will satisfy the drunk and hungry monster within.

 

Dunkin’ Donuts

Donuts and coffee, we’re already the fattest state, so we might as well make it official. We’ve all waited in the Starbucks and Einstein Bros. lines for coffee and bagels, unsure if we’d ever see our loved ones again, but Oxford needs something new. DD would still have the lines, but at least a quality cup of Joe and a glazed donut will be at the end. If you’re still not convinced, then may we point out the Rob Gronkowski loves Dunkin’ and if you don’t like what Gronk likes you’re automatically a Jets fan. Fact.

 

In-N-Out Burger

The burgers on this menu are as fine as Napa Valley wine. The closest beach is hours away, but having some chilly fries and a shake from In-N-Out would allow you to pretend to be on the Golden Coast. The best thing about this joint; is the endless combinations of your favorite meals that you are offered on the “Secret Menu”. Think about a chili cheese fry burger or a deep fried chocolate shake, our hearts are seizing just thinking about it.

 

Noodles & Company

There is a serious lack of quality Asian-inspired food in town, which is weird because Mississippi is such a melting pot. This restaurant is a popular option in its home state of Colorado and those people know a thing or two about the munchies. You can get tasty Asian food made quick, or they have an over-priced, but amazing mac and cheese. So it’s got something for even the pickiest stoner.

 

We’re just a comedy paper, so we don’t know how to actually get these franchises here. But we implore our wealthier readers to take out a small business loan and put up one of these bad boys. Until then we’ll have to settle for Easy Mac and McDonald’s.

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