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Bromley Resident “With a ‘Script” Swears to Woman He “Just Ran Out”


Illini freshman, Bromley resident, “Adderall prescription holder” Todd Meats told fellow Bromley freshman Tiffany Yakes he was “just out of Adderall” Monday, December 7th, 2015.


Yakes, a freshman from Peoria, Illinois, was looking for the drug before heading to the UGL to study for her Human Sexuality 101 final.


“This is the fourth or fifth time this semester that it’s happened,” a distraught Yates noted, “some people have all the luck, some people don’t.”


“Meats? Ole’ Meatface?” suitemate Brent Wortham chuckled, “that dude gets a headache after taking a couple of Tylenol.”


According to Yakes, Meats then offered her a “seat right [here],” patting the futon cushion next to him, because he “has a little weed if she wants to smoke up.” 


Yakes declined and headed to the library.


Fourth-floor sophomore Ryan Frewst claims “Beatmeats tried to buy Adderall from me once, said it was for a girl or some shit.” Pausing, he continued,  “You ever have Chili-Cheese Fritos, man? They’re bomb AF.”


When asked to comment Todd “Meatface” Meats noted he “had the ‘script bottle right here, dude.” Moments after rummaging around in his garbage can he claimed his “dipshit roomie Brent must’ve taken out the goddamn trash or something.”


We will update this story as it continues to develop.


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