The annual “Paint the Bridge” kicked off this week, and while most clubs were out happily painting their promotion panels, one club was left out in the cold. The Bronies Club, the fan club for the television show My Little Pony, found themselves with the smallest, most hidden panel on the bridge, also known by the most active clubs on campus as “exile panel.”
The exile panel is the smallest panel on the bridge and doesn’t allow for any chance to create an eye-catching picture to promote a club. It also is the most weathered and does not give clubs a smooth canvas to paint an aesthetically pleasing picture. Two years ago the exile panel was awarded to the Botanist Club, and the year after that the Forensic Science Club had the dishonor of being left with the exile panel.
As expected, the bronies were very disappointed when they heard the bad news. When they showed up to the Washington Ave bridge to find that the dilapidated panel was the last one left, their egos were stained.
“It’s almost like the school is embarrassed of us. This is a joke,” says Craig White, Vice president of the University of Minnesota Bronies chapter, who suspects there had been foul play.
The loyal bronies proudly defend their brotherhood. “Being a brony is a lifestyle. It’s who we are. You aren’t made into a brony. You are born a brony,” says Jeffrey Beeman, a member of the Bronies Club here on campus. He has been a member of the club since his freshman year of college.
“My brother is a brony, my cousin is a brony. I am a brony not just because of my interest, but because it is something that my family values, and I hate to see something so dear to me be disrespected. I am proud to carry that legacy, and I don’t care who knows!” Beeman declares, his rainbow wig and strap-on wings trembling fervently.
“Bronies are people too, and it’s high time that we be accepted into this schools society,” echoes Vice President White.
When asked what the Bronies club contributes to campus, Vice President White went on to explain the cultural and social importance of Bronies club.
“We allow guys to get together to watch the show My Little Pony together every Thursday at 6. It’s an experience like no other. My Little Pony is our deity, and it is important to have a community that nurtures our beliefs. We are growing in membership by the hundreds every semester. Plus, we throw the greatest parties here on campus. Way better than whatever the Anime Club throws. And you know the old saying: Ain’t no party like a Bronies party because a Bronies party doesn’t stop!”
However, not everyone believes in the empowerment of brony brotherhood. White indicates that bad blood between the Bronies Club and Anime Club could have been the reason for this sham. The Black Sheep tried to get an interview with someone from another club on campus to find out if the Bronies Club was given the exile panel on purpose or not. Every club on campus declined an interview but a source with the Anime Club that wishes to remain anonymous said, “Yes, of course they were given the exile panel on purpose. They are getting way too popular here on campus. They had to be stopped. They are stealing all the socially awkward students for themselves.”
When informed of the anonymous sources statement, Craig White responded “They shall rue the day that they ever crossed the Bronies Club!”
After White calmed down from his passionate rage, he was asked why the Bronies and the Anime club don’t get along. He then said, “it’s an age-old rivalry. This feud between us goes back generations. It’s a war that has no end. It’s like the Capulets and the Montagues. The Sharks and the Jets. Twilight Sparkle and Nightmare Moon,” he said, referencing their Pony protagonist itself.
The Bronies Club is planning on doubling up on their magical pony themed social events in order to save their stained reputation from receiving this year’s exile panel. They also plan to avenge the Anime Club.
“We will get to the bottom of this exile panel. We totally do not deserve the exile panel and hopefully all 900+ clubs will realize its mistake and give the exile panel back to a more deserving organization. Like the Anime Club. Fuck those guys.” Vice President White concludes.