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Cabell Starbucks Rolls Out Pumpkin Spice Condoms

In honor of fall and Cuffing Season, VCU’s Cabell Library has begun to offer rolls of pumpkin spice condoms with an order of their pumpkin-flavored lattes. The seasonal contraceptives get their spice from local Richmond farms, making sure the act of oral pleasure is an authentic and satisfying experience.


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​”Thank God for pumpkin spice condoms!” Mike Kirk told TBS staff while waiting in line for a latte and a latex, “finally, me and my girlfriend both get what we want at the same time! A pick-me-up and a prick-me-up, the perfect combination.”


Lines are bursting out of the doorways for this ingenious offer, increasing sales by over 300%. The only visible downside to this craze is that every floor of Cabell has been littered with condom wrappers, the result of students taking several “study breaks.”


​All problems considered, the newly-dubbed “coffee-ceptive” has become a staple seasonal menu item, so much so that advertising students from the Robertson school have created a new campaign for the deal, making posters with the slogan, “consent is delicious. 


​With high demand for the latte/latex combo, Starbucks officials plan to offer peppermint bark-flavored condoms just in case the pumpkin spice flavor runs out.

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