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Campus Starbucks: Attack on the Bible Belt

 

It is common knowledge that Grand Valley is embedded in what is known as the Bible Belt of Michigan. The area surrounding us as a whole tends to be conservative and full of different places of worship. Along with the over-abundance of worship houses, Grand Rapids and Allendale have always been a cozy home for the Biggby franchise. That is, until this year when Starbucks snuck it’s way on campus, staking a claim in the middle of the coffee drinking population. With Starbucks release of their new cup, only one thing can be deduced from their treachery; they have struck up a war on the Bible Belt.

 

It’s been all over the news; Starbucks has released their annual holiday cup without the usual holiday markings, which typically favor Christmas. There has been tremendous backlash from the bible-thumpers exclaiming that Starbucks hates Jesus and are now a satanic corporation. You would think that this wouldn’t affect our newfound Starbucks on campus, but little do you know, this was all planned out last year when they heard what we were building…

 

With the new addition of the science building, Starbucks finally realized their lifetime goal; taking out the Bible Belt of Michigan. They would move in to the heart of enemy territory and wreck havoc with a singular, red, still Christmas-y cup.  Without the addition of snowflakes, snowmen, and mistletoe, well known icons of Christmas and the Christian faith (not the fact that it’s, I don’t know, WINTER), they have set their mark that they don’t support the religion anymore.

 

With this lack of support, dare we say hate crime, Starbucks has infiltrated the enemy and is slowly transforming the students of GV into agnostics/atheists/other religions aside from Christian/Catholic. Those who drink from the red cup realize that the cup isn’t about a given religion, it’s about the coffee inside and the fact that it’s reusable, thus saving the planet. So, the students drinking have realized that there are better things to do than sit around and complain about a plain red cup; they have started volunteering and helping other students on campus get accepted because they now believe in diversity. Slowly, this little red cup is changing GVSU’s campus into one of acceptance, tolerance, and diversity.

 

Ultimately, the campus Starbucks is aiming to change the world. First they are taking down the Bible Belt, and soon they will reign over all of Michigan, and then the United States. The red Christmas cup affects anybody who drinks from it, giving them insight (like the apple/pomegranate of knowledge) that Christmas isn’t just for the religious, but for a time to make a difference and give back. The cup is left up to the interpretation of the person, which is ultimately acting as a way to wipe away all Christmas stigmas and start creating a new one.

 

The GVSU Starbucks is only the beginning. Soon, people across America will give in to the red cup and start to see that affiliating Christmas with just the Christian/Catholic religions is silly, taking out the domineering religion of the US.

 

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