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China Hackers vs. Hoos: Who Will Lose?

Students, you’re well aware per email from T-Sully herself that China has been trying to hack UVa’s computer system. Well, not trying, succeeding. The email states that there was no known reason as to why China chose UVa as its victim, but we’re here to tell you otherwise. Today, the sleuths of The Black Sheep dug deep into the hackers’ methods and uncovered what they were really after: our season tickets.


You can kiss all of those Orange Passport points you’ve been saving since first year goodbye. These hackers are desperate to get into every single home game here at UVa. Hoos rocked the world this past year with all of their impressive records and National Championship titles. With China’s economy on the rocks, they can’t risk missing a game because of pesky ticket prices and convenience fees. Their best bet is to gain access to all of the tickets saved for students.


Many of you may be wondering how the hackers managed to break into SIS. If you’re thinking only one stupid bird could be behind this anarchy, you’re correct– some Hokie engineers helped out with the takeover. Turns out, China and Virginia Tech have been cooking up this plan for years. Originally they were planning on sneaking into the UVa engineering building, but all of the construction on McCormick caught them off guard [truth be told, we don’t even know how to work our way around it all]. Instead, they had to do a little extra studying to crack into the world of SIS from afar.


Once in the system, the dynamic hacking duo sent out an email notifying all students to change their passwords. You all thought that was actually ITS administration trying to protect you? After you all handed over your information, the hackers stole all of the Orange Passport points you’ve been saving.


To assuage the outrage, T-Sully already sent out an email survey asking about the best way to deal with this whole mess, but students feel like they’re basically reliving the entire decision about moving graduation. “Would you prefer to watch your Hoos from the comfort of a viewing lounge in New Cabell, or experience game day courtesy of the shitty projection screens and terrible seating at Boylan Heights?”


True fans will not stand –or sit somewhere else for that matter– for this nonsense.


UVa fans will stop at nothing to ensure they’re heard. Hoos have a big football game coming up against Notre Dame, but they’re not going to be watching from the comfort of Scott Stadium as of now. ND may be the Fighting Irish, but the Cavs are going to have to fight their way into their own home field.


Cavaliers really only have one option moving forward: take back what is rightfully theirs! It’s time to band together and come up with a way to get students their tickets back! Desperate times call for desperate measures, so Hoos must act quickly, and act now, to beat this new, hacked system. China really isn’t messing around when it comes to Cavalier sports, but students will stop at nothing short of getting their seats back to cheer on their teams to victory. Game on!

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