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Clemson Football Ranked #1; Dabo Promises Pizza

 

The reveal of the first College Football Playoff Rankings held a couple pleasant surprises in store for Clemson, with the Tigers taking the number one spot, coming in ahead of vaunted candidates like LSU, Ohio State and Alabama. Of course, that was little surprise to Clemson fans: with the strongest team we’ve had in years thus far undefeated, and a high profile victory against Notre Dame, our bump up in the rankings was only to be expected.

 

The real surprise came from Coach Dabo Swinney, who has officially announced a free pizza party in Death Valley if we win against Florida State and make the playoffs—and he better not be joking. The announcement has generated more interest in the game than ever before, from hardcore fans who attend every game to pizza-holics who are now suddenly very interested in football, and The Black Sheep is no exception.

 

“I hope Dabo understands the calculations necessary to order pizza for 81,000 fans,” said senior math major Devin Wallace. “With extra large pizzas, eight slices to a pizza, and at least two slices a person, you’d need over 20,000 pizzas, but things are complicated by the amount of slices necessary to feed the football players themselves.”

 

As the planning involved is extensive, Wallace plans to give a copy of his report to Clemson athletics by Friday, to ensure maximum pizza satisfaction.

 

“Financially, it shouldn’t be a problem,” he assured us, “The football team can always get more funding; but the transportation is another issue.” We left Wallace sketching diagrams.

 

Regardless, IPTAY representatives who have chosen to remain unnamed urge students to stock up on backup frozen pizzas in case of a pizza-less emergency, or in case the Clemson football team purchases the entire supply of pizzas from within a twenty mile radius. Pizza or no pizza, one thing is certain: the term “Clemsoning” has taken on a whole new meaning.

 

 

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