Tuesday evening, presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump were spotted taking a break from their campaigns, enjoying a coffee at a local Starbucks inside a local casino in Las Vegas.
Eyewitnesses reported seeing the 2 political powerhouses look as if they were sincerely enjoying one another’s company. This, coming off of a firestorm of email and sexual harassment scandals from the two nominees, has many people wondering what could be going on.
Neither candidate has personally given a statement regarding the meeting, but Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, recently spoke up regarding the public rendezvous Tuesday morning.
“Normally, I would say that Hillary is behind all of this and their getting coffee is, like, Clinton threatening Trump with her secret assassins or whatever, but that part of my job is finally over,” Conway rejoiced, sporting what could only be taken as tears of joy. “I’m finally free. Free from extinguishing all the political fires that that arsonist Trump keeps creating. I think I’ll go ice skating. I’ve always wanted to go ice skating.”
“Trump’s a racist and we do all of our meetings over Skype because he once tried to grab me by the pussy,” Conway blurted. “Sorry, I’ve been keeping that one in for the whole campaign. I lost 25 pounds since I took this job. But that’s all behind me now.” Conway smashed her cell phone on the ground and skipped away while singing “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves.
With the harsh and tense fight for the White House this past year, the public isn’t necessarily surprised by the news.
“Honestly, I kind of thought this whole election thing was a hoax anyways,” middle-class GOP member Dan Gilbert told The Black Sheep. “So Killary and Trump are friends now? Shocker.”
“So, they’re friends? What does that even mean,” liberal Janey Allison asked. “Will they be in each other’s administration then? Will I still not go to jail if I get an abortion? And what about the Syrians? Why is this news?”
Rumors have surfaced, complimentary of cryptic emails from the Clinton administration made public via WikiLeaks early this morning, that new best friends Clinton and Trump are currently in talks of dropping both their veeps, Tim Kaine and Mike Pence respectively, in favor of each other. Trump and Clinton are expected to make an announcement on this today during the debate, after they return from their last-minute Vegas spa day.
Are you in class right now? Don’t worry, you can still leave.
Posted by The Black Sheep on Monday, October 17, 2016