There’s a reason why we win so many damn championships around these parts: we’re Huskies, and according to ancient biblical lore (see: Wikipedia), huskies are descended from wolves, and wolves, you see, are badass. However, not all huskies are born the same, as is apparent when you realize that there are other sports teams who have chosen the majestic husky as their mascot. Since there can only be one alpha male amongst the pack in accordance to Dog Legend (see: Wikipedia), The Black Sheep has decided to compare and contrast the various different husky mascots in pursuit of the real top dog. The Black Sheep would like to further assure our readers that every mascot review has been carried out with a conscious effort to provide a fair, unbiased opinion upon each candidate.
Northeastern University Huskies “Paws”
Alright first of all, this dog is bullshit. What is this, some sort of sick PETA-concocted animal abuse awareness campaign? Get him the hell out of those shoes, last time we checked, dogs do not wear god damn shoes. I had a dog once that ate 11 of my shoes, but I was never mad at him, because that’s what dogs do with shoes: eat them, not wear them. This is so elementary that just looking at this piece of shit can trigger a migraine. Also, his tongue is permanently hanging out the side of his mouth like some sort of asshole. Sorry Northeastern, but there’s only one school of Huskies in the Northeast that actually matters, and just by the look of your big idiot mascot alone, you are not it.
Houston Baptist University Huskies “Kiza”
When people say “Houston Baptist University,” we usually make the same gesture as their mascot does in this picture. Usually, but sometimes we’ll do the jerkoff motion for like, well over 10 minutes straight, because what the hell is the Houston Baptist University and, more importantly, don’t answer that question because frankly we don’t give a shit. This mascot puts shame to the entirety of the husky breed, firstly because he looks like a huge moron, and secondly because he’s from Houston, Texas. Don’t get us wrong, we have nothing against Houston, but in the grand canine scheme of things, that’s pretty far south for a relative of the snow wolf to venture. Kiza over here undoubtedly lost touch with his husky roots, and thus is consequently disqualified from alpha male consideration.
University of Washington “Harry”
Apparently “husky” translates to “fucked up koala-bear hybrid” over in Washington. Harry can go to hell. Nothing else needs to be said here.
Michigan Tech “Blizzard T. Husky”
Michigan Tech, there’s no easy way to do this, so we’re just going to have to be blunt about it: your mascot looks like a damn raccoon with a drug addiction. It’s almost as if a janitor happened upon a rejected Chuck E. Cheese band member suit in a dumpster, and then someone on the Mascot Board who had literally never seen a dog ever before in their life pointed at the mangy creature and said “husky.” Upon Google imaging this mascot and staring at the results, the viewer can immediately tell that Blizzard T. Husky smells like month-old microwaved queso dip; an oddly specific aroma for an equally oddly shitty mascot.
University of Connecticut “Jonathan”
Motherfucking Jonathan the Husky, arguably the one and only true husky mascot out there. Sleek, fit and cool as hell, Jonathan takes the damn cake when it comes to husky superiority. It definitely helps that Jonathan was the only husky featured in this list that ever appeared on national television last year following securing a championship title, which is more or less reason enough to reduce all other aforementioned husky candidates to the status of “little bitches.” We think the results are in and they’re as loud and clear as ever folks: Jonathan the Husky is the alpha male of the pack, and all other mascot dogs, husky or otherwise, should fall in line and sniff his butt.