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“Don’t Make This Harder Than it Needs to Be,” Says Tearful Targett to YouDee Statue

 

On Sunday, under the north campus bridge, interim president Nancy Targett was seen bidding sweet farewell to the lifeless metal statue of YouDee against a beautiful Delaware sunset.

 

“I’m sorry it had to be like this, and I’ll forever cherish your memory,” said the sixty-year-old woman to the large, blue, welded and fictitious bird, as students looked on. “Please, you’ve already said too much,” she continued, as YouDee continued to be an inanimate object.

 

“It was really weird seeing President Targett under the bridge,” said sophomore Bernard Evans. “I’ve seen her like once or twice leaving Hullihen Hall, but then all of a sudden she was sobbing at the foot of the big YouDee statue as I’m going on my run.”

 

Witnesses says this was not the first instance Targett has been spotted breaking up with the university. There have also been reports of Targett caressing the goats by Perkins with a wistful gaze in her eye, walking through the botanical garden and watching the ferns brush against her hands, and sitting alone in the football stadium, screaming “Why did it have to end like this?!”

 

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“I watched my roommate break up with her high school boyfriend last week, but that was nowhere near as heart-wrenching as this,” said junior Gloria Martinez. “They were together since they were sixteen, but Targett and YouDee have been together since, like, 1984, when she joined the faculty. She kept trying to hand YouDee a handwritten note, but it kept falling out of his hand, because like, it’s a statue and not a person.”

 

Targett was last seen in her office in Hullihen Hall listening to Simon and Garfunkel quietly and writing an email to Dennis Assanis, with the subject line “Take care of her.”

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