If you’ve been anywhere in the vicinity of Cooper, the Academic Success Center, or really anywhere on Clemson campus, you’ve seen this:
Perhaps the Watt family is bent on ensuring everyone in the Academic Success Center stays awake, or maybe they’re taking Clemson’s perpetually broken streetlamp situation into their own hands. Either way, after much anticipation and speculation, the Watt Family Innovation Center is finally open, and TBS is here to tell you all about it.
The Surreptitious Starbucks:
Come on, southerners, admit it: Starbucks is vastly superior to Dunkin’ Donuts. See that sneaky little Starbucks sign in the corner? Yep, they provide all the greatest study fuel while not flouting the brand, shielding you from the judgmental gaze of your extended southern relatives.
The Ridiculous Numbers of TVs:
Because, obviously, students don’t get enough procrastination done on their laptops, iPhones, iPads, and every other visual media friendly device in the 21st century arsenal. But hey, it’s communal procrastinating! The Watt Family is obviously attempting to get the socially reclusive engineers that populate Clemson’s campus to branch out and enjoy social interaction a bit more.
Interactive Wayfinding Services:
Based on the technological innovations of this building, we must conclude that the Watt family envisions the future of Clemson to look something like Big Brother. The Interactive Wayfinding Services promise to locate your friends all over the building. The logistics of these services remain suspect, however, as we never wayfound them.
Torture Devices (or Pilates machines):
Supposedly a building for Creative Inquiry courses, we must assume the Watt Center is supporting exciting new engineering courses based on human experiments. Or perhaps they’re attempting to cash in on the New Year’s resolution craze with new full-body exercise machines. Oh, and another TV!
Computer Coded Walls:
In keeping with Clemson’s devotion to the STEM majors, the Watt Family has provided this comforting computer-code wallpaper. It’ll probably make the cyborgs the engineering majors create in their Creative Inquiries feel more at home, or else help human students pretend they’re in the Matrix.
A Mysterious 4th Floor:
Although Clemson’s official report on the opening of the Watt Center cites three stories, upon investigation, we discovered this mysterious door leading to a fourth floor. However, its mysteries remain to be explored, as it was locked.
Upperclassmen might not be around for the unveiling of this bonus floor, but we’ll no doubt be able to live vicariously through the class of 2020. And as Clemson moves into a new era of high tech wallpaper, hidden observation cameras and Creative Inquiry courses attempting to devise even more torturous Pilate’s routines, those of us graduating might even be thankful we aren’t around then. Our next question is: will the Donut Hills dining halls provide custom donut making stations? Oh, it’s Douthit Hills? Nope: clearly, it’s Donut Hills.