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Meet UNT’S Newest Fraternity: The Exalted Family of Boundless Joy

 

Joining a fraternity is a great way get the most out of your second-rate college experience. Studies have shown students who belong to fraternities have higher GPAs, more leadership roles, and better thigh gaps than those who do not. This week, we took a closer look UNT’s little known fraternity Mu Mu Mu, or as they like to be called, The Exalted Family of Boundless Joy.

 

The Exalted Family of Boundless Joy was founded in 2012 by current president and all-around charmer Ricky Wayne. Who would have guess the small bi-weekly ecstasy socials in Ricky’s dorm room would blossom into UNT’s newest fraternity? “Space aliens,” says Wayne. Currently, there are only 40 official members, although 12 others live in the fraternity’s house and parade around the front lawn naked on a semi-regular basis. According to Mu’s Orgsync page, all those on “Level Human” are welcome to apply as long as the clone and the original do not apply within the same semester. “It was hard to get in,” one member explains, “because they only initiate pledges under cosmic events, but thank Zoltor we had that blood moon last fall. And that’s just one of the reasons they call me Blood Moon.”

 

The family provides social, scholastic, and philanthropic opportunities that foster personal development and childlike dependency. You may recall Mu Mu Mu’s short lived foot reading booth during Greek Week last year, or the infamous 5k fun run at which two students disappeared and were never seen again. The Family recently returned from an invigorating leadership retreat in California, where, according to sources, Rasputin delivered one hell of a keynote speech on proper soul pod maintenance. Of course, it’s not all fun and joy.

 

As with any fraternity there certain standards to uphold and responsibilities around the house, such as doing dishes and hosing down the Blood stone circle every once in awhile. As per the Exalted Family’s Great Oracle/ Conduct Handbook, members are forcibly encouraged to wear black unisex track suits (except for when fondling animal carcasses, in which case a white linen robe is standard — obviously). From what we were able to gather, membership dues include 90% of one’s income and an undisclosed amount of physical labor and plasma donations.

 

Recently, The Exalted Family of Boundless Joy came under investigation when multiple parents brought allegations of kidnapping to the Dean of Student Affairs. But Wayne feels confident the cases will be dropped. “Every new fraternity deals with university red tape…and government sanctions… and FBI investigations.”

 

Blood Moon nods in agreement,“Parents get so worked up,” she explains, “I just saw them like four years ago.” Seems legitimate to us. If this sounds like the kind of family you always knew you belonged to probably do to some sort of childhood abuse, then burn your government ID and head on down to the vacant shed on Oak St for The Exalted Family of Boundless Joy’s next event. “Mu Mu Mu is having a fundraiser this Thursday. All proceeds will go towards purchasing a vacant piece of farmland in West Texas to await the end of days.”

 

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