It’s almost that time again Panthers, where we stumbled into our advisor’s office to get the closest thing to guidance that is available in college. Your advisor is kind of like the monkey from The Lion King, only a lot more confusing and depressing. How many more Gen Eds do I need?
What your advisor will neglect to tell you is that Pitt will be offering some amazing new classes this summer and fall. We here at The Black Sheep have a direct line right into the Chancellor’s Lizard Den, and we’ve got the inside scoop.
SOC 0222 Intro to Passive Aggression:
This class comes highly recommended for those still living on campus, especially those with roommates. Learn how to expertly roll your eyes, and become versed in all the real definitions of the word ‘fine’. This class counts as a Social Science, and it’s totally okay if you don’t come everyday. We understand. It’s totally fine. Whatever.
ANTH 1911 Dorm Room Archaeology:
This upper-level anthropology course will delve into how to safely excavate your dorm at the end of the year, in order to properly live through all your favorite memories. This class also counts towards the new “How to Get Away with Literally Never Cleaning” certificate, which is very popular with our freshmen here.
BIO 0849 Do I Smell Bad, or are Those Just Pheromones?:
Never fear, fearless pre-med students, because this course is perfect for you. After spending much longer than anyone else on campus studying, because you obviously have the heaviest course load at Pitt, you’re probably tempted to skip showering… But how long is too long? This class seeks to find that answer. PreReq: Chem 0856 Okay, Seriously, who farted?
PUBSERV 1210 The Art of Walking Your Drunk Friend Home:
We’ve all been there, the victims of one too many cheap vodka shots. The streets of Pitt can be complicated to navigate, but this class will help you become a master at leading your drunk pals back to their beds. Requirements for this class include conquering an obstacle course modeled after the streets of South O. Wait until you have to chase someone across the Boulevard.
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ENGR 5002 You’re an Engineering Student:
This upper division class is meant for engineer students in their last semester, as Pitt finally realized that no one told them that they were engineering students, not engineers, as they’ve erroneously thought all this time. Usually taken alongside ENGR 0005 – You too can Write a Short Essay, No, Really! It’s not the End of the World, 500 Words is Literally Nothing! Stop Complaining for the Love of All that is Holy.
What class are you most excited for this coming fall, or, if you’re like some of us here at The Black Sheep, this summer? Remember folks, you can only retake bio 1 so many times, so maybe you should start looking into some GenEd fillers. Unfortunately, we have no word on whether Pitt will be offering ART 1278 – The Art of Left Handed Under Water Basket Weaving in the coming semesters. The arts are always the first to go.