The blessed fall season is upon us and in the whirlwind of pumpkin-tinged decisions to make, the common Pitt girls of campus have buckled down for the few months of the year where their “basicity” can truly shine. As you gallivant through leaf piles on the Cathedral lawn and try to pretend you don’t still believe in the Great Pumpkin, keep in mind that just because all girls dress the same, you still have to at least try to remember names before you can morally take home some variation of cat-costume from a Halloween party.
10.) Hunter Boots:
In the snow, in the rain, in multiple shades of black and lighter black and a few fluorescent pinks—they’ve recently added a place on your Pitt application to indicate whether or not you own these. If you don’t, shit outta luck, go to another school. Maybe try one that isn’t swarmed by girls who paid $100 to look like they’re about to wade out in a stream and catch a delicious bass. Granted, they do keep you dry as the Sahara.
9.) North Face/Patagonia Jackets:
A trend not limited to the female population on campus, your basic boys aren’t immune to a good fratagonia fleece. Don’t under any circumstance take one of these to a party and rest your faith in leaving it on the coat pile in Kyle’s room (thanks Kyle!). You and 95 other people thought it’d be okay to leave your black North Face there; you and 95 other people are going home with someone else’s jacket or none at all. Let’s hope you find a few dollars in the pocket.
8.) Oversized Sweaters:
Go big or go home. Steal your boyfriend’s, steal your dad’s, steal your roommate’s (actually, ask first, you have to live with her). Sweaters that fit are so last year. Ill-fitting is the new black. Become one with the sweater.
7.) Infinity Scarfs:
There like one giant loop. Where do they end? They don’t. Pretty sure these should come with a strangulation warning.
Guys, don’t flatter yourselves. The last reason we’re wearing these is for your viewing pleasure. Have you ever tried a pair on? It’s like walking around with no pants. Not to mention, no need for belts or annoyingly adjusting your waist to avoid plumber’s crack. Only downside, no pockets—where the fuck do I put my chapstick, my phone? Major design flaw.
5.) Pitt Crew Necks:
Who needs a hood when you can look this fly? If you’re really hip, you’ll sport a “Pitt Grandma” one.
4.) Bean Boots:
Again, not exclusive to any one sex, bean boots are a campus phenomenon. Pair with some over sized wool socks for full basic effect.
UGGGGHHH, why are you still a thing? They’re not waterproof, they resemble animal paws, and yet, they come back every year. Fuck Uggs. There are plenty of other stereotypical boots for you to wear.
Baby, it’s cold outside. So, naturally, we’re ripping the sleeves off our coats for added warmth! Layer with something that’s still not as warm as a coat. Be a slave to fashion… and weather.
1.) Minimalistic Halloween Costumes:
Don’t be inclined to go with a slutty cat costume this year; you can turn absolutely anything into a degrading, trashy equivalent of lingerie if you try hard enough! Be the slutty pumpkin, we have faith in you.