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As UNT Midterm Grades Come In, Hope at UNT Begins to Die

 

As the first month of the spring semester winds to a close, the UNT campus has filled with disheartenment. The last piece of hope of a high GPA this semester has finally withered away as the first exam has been graded. The final hope flower in the hope garden has died off and the students on campus are feeling the overpowering sense of hopelessness.

 

Super-senior biochemistry majors are taking these grades particularly hard as the ominous cloud of a sixth year lingers in their future. One biochem major, Chad Farquad spoke personally with The BlackSheep about his misery. “I know I could’ve tried harder, I know I could have blown off that marathon of re-watching Shrek the Halls three times in a row before my test, but I thought this spring 2016 was going to be MY semester.”

 

Chad isn’t the only UNT student who has realized this semester’s GPA won’t be what he hoped it would. Most students on campus are struggling to keep the hope alive as the semester continues forth. Midterms are usually the prime time for students everywhere to realize their potential grade for the end of the semester. Unfortunately for most students, this realization was much harder to swallow than planned. The UNT campus officially announced the death of our dear friend hope this Monday the 15th of February.

 

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The club, Disappointed Kids of UNT will be holding a funeral for the death of hope. The ceremony will be held in the sewer on Fry Street. The Disappointed Kids have asked all students with decent grades to refrain from attending.

 

Those few students who did wipe the dust from their textbooks and cranked out a decent midterm grade are still suffering from the loss of hope that has swarmed campus. Student Margaret Rothensby claimed “You can almost feel the chill of disappointment just walking the paths of campus, even the clock tower has changed its tune to ‘The Black Parade’ in remembrance of the joy that once was.”

 

A few hopeless students are taking a sabbatical from school after the return of their midterm grade. These departing students stated “It’s what is best for their wellbeing.” Other students are considering sacrificing pig orphans in order for an extra credit opportunity.

 

Professor Tate told students “The sacrifice of pig orphans could potentially make me reconsider a few grades, that’s a strong commitment to my class: Cults 101.” Many Professors are also considering other sacrifices, or bribes in order to change the mood on campus.

 

Campus officials are looking forward to this week’s basketball game against Florida International University, coaches are crossing their fingers the school spirit is all that’s needed to restore some sense of cheer on campus. As the week progresses and more grades are passed out, UNT will monitor the hope levels with hope sensors scattered across campus. To those students suffering from the sad realization of poor midterm grades, the albino squirrel is offering $5 counseling sessions on the roof of Sycamore Hall.

 

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