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Freshman Advice: Impressing Your Professors

Every college student has learned over the years that there are three types of students who never fail to impress their professors. Getting a big ol’ “A” has nothing to do with what you know about the course, but how you succeed in other areas.  


Clothing Choices: In the area of fashion, you’ve got to know your audience. Everything you do is a presentation to your Bronco classmates as well as the Big Bronco grading the course. Critiquing is all that they know how to do, so reach into that closet of yours and pull out something for them to judge. Ladies, this usually means displaying your knockers. Boys, if those long khaki pants show off your muscular ass, you best be wearing them on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.


Behavior: You’ve got to show them who’s actually paying the bills in Kalamazoo! You must demand the rights to your education and be pretentious to your professor. Ask them every question you can think of, especially if it isn’t relevant and wastes everybody’s time. You may be ridiculed by your peers, but who’s the one that’ll be rolling in dough and a 4.0? 


Participation: Every professor values the students who do nothing in their class. Students bold enough to fall asleep in a small lecture are their favorite students. They will assume you’re only sleeping because you’ve been studying hard for their class and have read all the material, so they have nothing more to teach you on the topic. Enjoy your A+ for the day, sir. 


Don’t worry, kids. While your Psych 1000 professor may have the scorn of a hawk raised by rabid wolves, you are the one in control! Ignore everything that people tell you about college; all you have to do is know your audience and dress to impress.

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