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Freshman Becomes Besties With Upperclassman Who Doesnt Know He Exists

The Black Sheep recently had the opportunity to shadow a freshman who claimed to have gained the favor of a VCU upperclassman. Of course, we were skeptical, given how annoying and desperate freshmen can be. Usually, upperclassmen don’t hang around with people who still read off of PowerPoints for class presentations. However freshman Pete Jenkins swore he had snagged the bromance of the century.


Pete started off the day by giving us a little bit of background on how he and his “upperclassman bestie”, Matt Slawchack, had met.


“We have a poli and a chem class together. I actually sat beside him in the lecture hall and we just got to talking one day. He thought I was cool, so he asked me to hang at Break Point with a few of his homies. Of course I was down.”


We waited outside of Temple for Pete and his mystery buddy to show up. After a few minutes of mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, we looked up and spotted Pete tailing behind a young man in plaid and Ray-Bans who didn’t seem to notice him. Pete motioned to this man and mouthed “That’s him!”


Pete yelled a loud “WAZZUP!” towards his so-called friend as soon as we were within earshot. Unfortunately, a car horn drowned him out and Matt continued across Main Street. Pete came to a sudden halt and turned to face us.


“Yeah I guess he’s a little busy right now, you know, being awesome and whatnot,  but we’re supposed to meet at Jonah’s later on this afternoon and I’m sure he’ll kick it with me. I know it. I feel it in my soul.”


Things didn’t seem to be adding up with Pete’s story. For one thing, Matt didn’t look at him once from the time they walked out of the lecture hall together. On top of that, Pete himself seemed uncertain about their plan to meet at Jonah’s. Not to mention the obvious clue that Pete was a freshman. As we rode the Campus Connector to MCV, he fidgeted and checked his phone relentlessly.


“He hasn’t texted me back yet,” Pete offered by way of explanation for his odd behavior. When we looked over his shoulder, we noticed that the green text bubbles greatly outnumbered the grey ones, about 50 to none. Quite strange considering how “tight” Pete claimed to be with Matt. When we finally made it to Jonah’s, Pete seemed to know exactly where Matt would be.


“Matt usually grabs a stromboli when we meet up down here. Sometimes I swipe him; I don’t think he has a meal plan. It’s no big deal though, I have plenty to spare,” Pete all but gushes as we make our way to the pizza station. Sure enough, Matt is standing in line and we overhear him ask for a meat lover’s stromboli. Right as he reaches for his wallet Stan steps in.


“Hey man, I got it,” Pete says as he offers his shiny, new VCU ID to the attendant. Matt thanks him for the meal, shrugs and walks away when he’s handed his meal. Stan starts after him, but thinks better of it.


“Maybe we can just try hanging out another time, guys. I have to go anyways.”


We approached Matt after Pete had run off. We had to know if the pair were as close as Pete seems to think they are. When pressed, Matt had this to say about Pete:


“Oh, Stromboli Dude? Yeah, I mean he just kind of swipes me food sometimes. He’s ok, I guess. When you see him, let him know he needs to get that nervous twitch checked out. Every time he sees me, it’s like he’s having a standing seizure.” Matt looked down at his stromboli, shrugged, and then walked away…


At this point, we starting to think these non-committal shrugs are why Pete is convinced he’s friends with a guy who hardly knows him.


Pete says he is still in the process of setting up the “Ultimate Chill Session,” having borrowed his parents’ credit card to pay for two Drake vs. Lil Wayne tickets.

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