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Girl Spends Tuition Money On Everything But Tuition

The halls of Ikea are tempting for any new apartment dwellers with the pristine piles of their impossible-to-assemble deathtraps. The aisles of Staples are hypnotic with the colorful kaleidoscope of binders and folders for any successful college student. And the walls of any clothing store are plastered with the perfect first day of school outfit, and second day, and all the days. It is not unreasonable for a student preparing to go back to school to overspend on the budget a little bit, but incoming DePaul junior, Victoria Shutters, took things to a whole new level.


This week, The Black Sheep caught up with Victoria, who contacted all known financial aid offices in the Chicago area when she realized that she’d spent all of her tuition money in the back-to-school frenzy. Nancy Cole, from The DePaul Financial Aid Office, reported that, “She came into our office. We couldn’t believe what she told us so she just sort of pretended she was a hologram breaking up… you know, like Star Wars…”


When we interviewed Victoria, we asked her the obvious question about how many different colors of nail polish was she able to buy. Victoria happily walked us through her collection: “I got all the 427 colors available in the gel nail polish line and the machine of course.” After we appreciated every single nail polish, we moved onto more pressing questions. “I did spend all of my tuition money, but who can blame me when there are so many things that I needed? I needed to furnish a whole one room dorm and you can never have enough side tables for storage space,” Victoria commented as she ushered us onto a football field heaping with thousands on side tables as far as the eye could see.


Her parents were less excited about the seventy laptop cases that their daughter had managed to buy in varying patterns to match with every single outfit in her closet. When asked about how this managed to happen, they responded, “We thought we would give Victoria her tuition money so that she could start paying the bills on her own. She’s in college now, so she’s responsible.”


The future for Victoria is something that we were all concerned about. How will she pay for college with all of her tuition money spent? It was pointed out to Victoria that she could simply return most of her purchases since she had kept all of the receipts and the packages were unopened. In response to this, Victoria hurriedly yelled, “I have no receipts! Don’t look over here!” as she quickly turned a trashcan full of receipts into a fiery blaze.


It is still to be seen whether Victoria will return to DePaul in the spring. She insists that situations like these are what scholarships are for. We tried to explain that scholarships usually aren’t for people who spend their tuition money on twenty-three different panda stuffed animals. “Want to go on a scooter ride,” she asked in the midst of her confusion. We politely accepted and scootered along the fake sunset tapestries lining the road.

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