While other students drive to other places to party on the weekend, GV student Clarence Fishmen has been living it up in his dorm over in North C. Now, these parties aren’t exactly those that you usually find on campus: quiet, full of scared freshmen and lots of MIPs. A Fishmen party is an amateur hour for all sorts of people to test their skills on the pole.
Fishmen came to Grand Valley not for a degree to get a real job, but to fulfill a dream of becoming the next top owner of a chain strip club. One day, he wants to expand his organization into a nationwide exclusive club and maybe even a brothel or two where it’s legal. The Black Sheep was able to catch up to him, and this is what he had to say:
TBS: What got you started in this field?
Fishmen: Well, when I was younger and I first discovered how great boners were through the wonders of pornography, I decided that one day I wanted to be in an environment where I could constantly be popping one and not judged.
TBS: Right…So your flyer states this club is a “boner-safe community.” Can you expand on that?
Fishmen: I had an unfortunate incident where the professor called me up for my speech in COM 201. It was an informative speech on pornography and of course I was graced with good blood flow. Everybody laughed. It scarred me for life. Now, my club is a space where boners can rise to the occasion without judgement.
TBS: But, why host an amateur hour in your dorm? Why not go to an actual strip club?
Fishmen: The wonderful thing about GV is that we’re so diverse, and GV promotes that. Here, I have the opportunity to recruit women from all around America, even around the globe. And the personalities! We’ll have the sexy ones, the cute nerdy ones, the scary ex-girlfriend that you still want to objectify. These girls, and myself, need the money to go to school; I’m just trying to help.
Also, real businesses make you pay rent and won’t let you use financial aid for your room like Grand Valley.
TBS: Sounds sensual and genius. Ultimately, where do you see yourself ending up?
Fishmen: Well, I’m hoping to get a quick degree here at Grand Valley for business and use that as a way to open my own chain of college town strip clubs. I’ll use some of my money to give out scholarships to students at other schools who wish to run their own club too. I’m excited about the ideas I have.
TBS: And how exactly are individuals getting involved?
Fishmen: Then come to my dorm every Tuesday and Friday night to show me what they got. I installed a state-of-the-art pole from Spencer’s that anyone with arms can dance on. Men, women, and the LBGT (I have a thing for longboarders). I want everyone to come and be part of my future.
TBS: What’s next, Mr. Fishmen?
Fishmen: I want a night just dedicated to fantasies. You want a nurse fantasy? Well then you get a nurse, he gets a nurse, she gets a nurse, we all get a nurse. I aspire to be the Oprah of strippers. Also gummy worms. I kinda want some all the time.
Clarence Fishmen has continued to host amateur hour and will continue to do so until graduation or the GVPD get ahold of this article and track him down. Either way, you no longer have to go to MSU or CMU for a good time with a strip club right on campus!