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GVSU Students Richer Than Kanye, Kind Of

 

For the average college student, a higher education means a shit ton of loans with acquiring interest that tops out at about $100k by senior year. That means as you step into your future, you carry the burden of enough debt to almost pay for half of a Ferrari. There’s a silver lining to the debt, however, and this silver lining is knowing the simple fact that no matter how hard you try, you will never be in as much debt as Kanye West.

 

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Kanye topped out his personal debt at a honking $53 million. That’s like, enough money to buy 17 million of the new Taco Bell quesolupas, which we all know are absolute gold. You’re probably wondering why Kanye being in debt is the silver lining to your future starting off with negative money, but we’re here to tell you that it’s because he got into debt by chasing his dreams.

 

Granted, you also got into debt by chasing your dreams. But, you chased your dreams to become something, and Kanye chased his after he was already something to become something else! Which, we guess, puts you back in the same situation as Kanye…but at least you’ll succeed in your future endeavors! Or totally flop. 

 

Grand Valley students have learned two things from hearing about Kanye’s debt through social media: first, they have learned that being popular on social media is a great way to guilt followers, or fans, into donating money. Tweeting out your GoFundMe page and instagraming your glamorous children, or in the case of college students cats and dogs, is a sure fire way to get people to donate to your cause. Second, they have learned that marrying rich is totally the way to go. If Kim can bail Kanye out of debt with her successful career of whatever the hell she does, then some older rich person can totally get you out of a smaller debt bracket. Last resort, declare bankruptcy or die. You don’t have to pay student loans if you’re dead.

 

“Knowing that Kanye was dealing with the same setbacks as me totally makes him my hero,” Timothy Brown tells reporters. “Now I know that no matter how badly I fail, whether it being a failing dream or making the stupid mistake of switching sponsors, I will always have something to fall back on. I can suck my needs from the world!” Feeling empowered, Brown strutted off listening to Kanye’s early work “Stronger”

 

So when you’re feeling down about your impending doom of student loan payment, just remember that Kanye was able to bounce back from fifty-three million dollars in the matter of a week or something like that. If Kanye can do it, so can you! #YEEZUS.

 

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