Connect with us
Connect with us

Campus Life

Halloween Horror-scopes

 

This Halloween, don’t chance fate! Let The Black Sheep help you consult the stars. Merry spooks!

 

Aries: Aries are usually the life of the party. This Halloween, try doing something really adventurous like shutting the hell up. The alignment of the universe would really glow if you covered your mouth, either with a costume or simply duct tape. The universe didn’t specify.

 

Taurus: Generally speaking, the bulls of the zodiac tend to be a tad judgmental. That’s okay because The Mystic Great has the perfect Halloween costume for you: Donald Trump. Scarily accurate and just plan scary, right? Nothing says “American holiday” better than bigotry. Truly a match made by the stars.

 

Gemini: The divine powers of the sky sense romance in your future this Halloween. If you end up with a date on the 31st, make sure it’s truly one to remember, like a sacrifice ritual or even a simple house haunting. You know, romantic shit.

 

Cancer: The stars get it, you have emotions. And a lot of them. Try channeling all those feels into something so scary even Freddie would be terrified. We’re talking about an elaborate stunt that can ruin friendships. It could possibly involve campus dining, because we all know that shit is frightening.

 

Leo: With mercury in retrograde, it would be wise to have a chill Halloween, since M in R is basically the period of the cosmos. Meaning you will cry, eat candy, and be angry. So, you know, the typical October 31st. It’s probably best to lay low at home.

 

Virgo: Classic Virgos like you love to be in control. Channel this personality “quirk” into throwing the best mediocre party GVSU has ever seen (which shouldn’t be that hard). Remember, alcohol and the cosmic world go skeleton hand in skeleton hand; GVPD really chafes the inner thighs of the astrological world.

 

Libra: Ahh, Libras a.k.a. the balanced scales of justice thingy. This Halloween put your charisma (and prying personality) into a séance with ghosts. Good and important questions to ask: How did you do? Is lying worth it? And why the hell does GVSU only have Pepsi products?

 

Scorpio: Considering you’re basically the Devil in human form, Halloween is your time to shine. Reign it in and literally rule over campus. With all the TV shows and movies, no one will see an actual zombie apocalypse coming. Don’t ask about the how and why, simply believe in the energy of the universe.

 

Sagittarius: Centaurs are totally the man/woman-child of the zodiac. Channel that immaturity into trick-or-treating followed by a marathon of Disney Channel original movies. Don’t even think about lying to the constellations, they know you secretly love Halloweentown and Twitches!

 

Capricorn: The stars can sense that you don’t trust in them and would like to change that. If you so much as breathe at all this Halloween, they guarantee nasty-ass candy corn and slutty minion costumes are in your future. Now that’s one terrifying night.

 

Aquarius: Creative and with a God-complex is a good way to describe you Aquarius assholes. With this in mind, recreating Frankenstein’s monster is a great way to ensure good health and fortune. Which you might need when the Polar-Vortex makes its return to campus. Gross.

 

Pisces: For most Pisces, every day is Halloween because uniqueness. You might as well go all out. The cosmos aren’t saying it will be easy to turn Louie the Laker into a vampire, but if Stephenie Meyer can get published, apparently anything is possible.

 

Continue Reading

More from Campus Life

Advertisement
Advertisement
To Top