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How to Act Like You Know About Sports at Pitt

We here at The Black Sheep don’t know anything about sports, so we assume that our readers must not either. We have banded together to help all of you out with faking knowledge on the subject. It’s super easy! The loads of friends that will be made at Pitt from these ventures will be astounding. To start your journey of acting like you enjoy sports, slap on this shirt and head out on the town!

 

Football

The biggest sport to hit the nation since the ol’ days of horseshoes! We all suggest that the best environment for acting like you know (or care) about football is at Peter’s Pub. Making big movements and yelling for the Steelers and Panthers will draw attention to you and allow you to engage other football fans in conversation of their fantasy team (and the Raiders because people always ask about them for some reason). Sit at a table, watch the game, order a “Roth-less-burger,” and cheer whenever everyone else does. And to really drive it home that you like football, throw a football around in the streets, even if there’s no one around to catch them.

 

Hockey

Imagine, if you will, a beautiful frozen lake. On said lake is a troupe of majestic human beings who skate across the ice with movements like that of a swan. Now imagine that said swans have long sticks in their hands and they’re swinging them at small black disks on the ice. Now imagine those swans hitting each other with those sticks and losing half of their teeth (pretend the swans used to have teeth) because they accidentally bumped into each other. You now understand hockey. The more they fight and the more they slip and fall on their asses like all of us walking down from Sutherland during winter, the better the game. The local team here in Pittsburgh is the Penguins; so to show some local pride, dress up in a tuxedo whenever you go out and waddle around. Everyone else will be in their Wayne Gretsky jerseys (because that’s the only hockey star anyone knows of) and you’ll be the only true penguin in town.

 

Baseball

They’re called Pirates and they don’t even have eye patches! We know, it’s hard to comprehend and it shouldn’t be true, but they are not living up to their full potential. Acting like you like baseball is much easier than pretending to like other sports because people who watch baseball seem to yell a lot less. Simply sit quietly while you wait for someone to hit the ball (which should take about ten minutes) and when someone walks sadly away from the home plate, make fun of the umpire for being blind.

 

And the Rest!

Soccer, yoga, basketball, jogging, and extreme hula-hooping are just a few more of the wide world of sports that you can act like you enjoy. But remember, you don’t need to understand sports to get that football guy to ask you out, or to get that vegan ballet dancer to notice you! All you have to do is put on your best “sports-face,” grab a jersey with someone else’s name on it, and go talk about touchdowns, goals, and point-unit-baskets. Watch this video for further information it’s the best example of what you should strive to be as a sportsman or sportswoman.

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