If you know anything about Grand Valley, or any university in general, you know that every building around is named after someone. But how exactly did they get those names? Well, of course it was the donors of a shit ton of money that got their names on the library, the dorms, and the sidewalks (we promise you, they’re named). So how exactly do you become someone here at GV without the joys of an endless bank account? Well, The Black Sheep is here to help. Here’s a guide on how to be someone at Grand Valley.
There’s the basic popularity contest that is the Greek Life system. Doing your homework and fighting to the death with people you call your sisters/brothers can get you decently far, or at least begin your journey of making your name. Even better, fight your way to the top to become a president of one of these systems. But, if you don’t want to pay for your friends, the least you can do is join the other popularity contest: the LBGT (Long Board Get-Togethers). Joining them will totally boost your social life. They don’t have meetings, they have meet ups.
Another idea that doesn’t require getting fully committed to an organization is: simply getting yourself noticed. You can do this one of two ways, or both if you’re really in the mood. The first option is getting a sweet-ass ride to class. Either get some rollerblades with flames on them, a Razor scooter (Barbie Edition of course), or maybe even a moped.
Hey, if the long boarders can take up that much space, you can totally ride a moped as well. Other than that, why not just show up to school in a full on furry outfit? Sure, people would now know your sexual affiliations, but you would probably get talked about all the time! Go for something fun, like a pink dragon in a bikini or a huge furry tiger in a banana hammock or maybe make a statement with Smokey the Bear. Either way you go, you’ll surely be the talk of the campus, at least for a little while.
The last idea, and probably the best one yet, is doing something crazy on campus, getting it on video, and waiting for Snooki to comment on it (yes, we’re looking at you wrecking-ball man). So go wild, climb some structures, hang-glide from the top of the library, ride an ostrich to class, or make a grand entrance every day by parachuting from your rich dad’s friend’s cousin’s private jet (we never said pretending to be rich wasn’t a good idea). Just, you know, make sure you get it on camera, or do something insane enough to get the news crews all the way out here. You’ll sure to be a hit with the people on campus.
So, if it’s by joining a pretentious club, making your sexual affiliations known to all, or riding something interesting to class, you’ll make it. Following these ideas, you can become as proclaimed as T. Haas or even the “Hey There, Laker!” guy. Just try not to get arrested. Or, actually, do. At least then people will know who you are.