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How to Change Your Major Even Though You Should’ve Graduated a Year Ago

Changing your major is a difficult process full of doubt and self-hatred. Here is a guide with step-by-step instructions to help you through this trying time.  

 

Step 1: Accept Your Indecision for What It Is: Like a middle-aged person after a divorce, changing your major can put you on a mission of self-discovery. Just because you realized your dream of being a doctor was never going to happen, doesn’t mean you have it all figured out. So, microbiology isn’t for you? Well, chemistry probably isn’t either. You wanna switch from nursing to philosophy? Go for it! Get in touch with your most pretentious self and pick a major that will help you feel superior more and more every day.   

 

Step 2: Disappoint Your Parents: Done and done. This step really shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish. The Parental Units (coming to ABC this fall) just want what’s best for you and have a hard time seeing how your English degree will make you happy. And honestly, not everyone can be an accountant or doctor. If your announcement of changing your major upsets mom or dad, just remind them that at least you’re not on drugs (and for Heaven’s sake, lie if you have to). Or you could just not tell them, wait until shit hits the fan, and then apologize for wasting their money. 

 

Step 3: Make Some Appointments: Changing your major is just another step closer to being an adult. This means talking on the phone to strangers, which is almost worse than being dead. It’s crucial you make an appointment with two counselors at GVSU. That’s because you listen to the first counselor and immediately ignore their advice. The second or third time around, however, you should have someone who actually knows what they’re doing. 

 

Step 4: Reap the Consequences: After talking to a few counselors, it’s normal to cry for a week straight. At best, you won’t graduate on time. Let’s face it, you weren’t going to graduate on time regardless. At worst? Plan on transferring schools. This step in changing your major is sometimes called the “grieving stage.” And, boy, will you be sorry and sad that your passions cost you more money (or mom and dad’s money) and time. Gently remind yourself that pursuing film or pre-PA or whatever is what will bring you true joy and peace of mind. Or, at least, some poetic shit like that.  

 

Step 5: Find Happiness: Finally, you’re on track with your new major! And it’s fantastic and every wet dream you thought it would be. Rejoice that you did the impossible and focus your attention back on the things that truly matter: your other life. Ya know, the one that’s fun and not anxiety-inducing. Ideally, you should start reading and working out again, but binging Netflix and getting drunk will suffice.  

 

OPTIONAL: Repeat Steps 1-5: Everything is right with the world again. Or is it? If your new major starts giving you bad feeling in your gut (like that time you threw up fried Oreos at Disney World), embrace the possibility that this process can happen more than once. It will suck and burn (like that other time you heaved up fried Oreos at Disney World). But, remember those that have come before you. If they can graduate and work a crappy job for 35 years and get screwed over by upper management, then you can too. Dreams really do come true!

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