Sadly, the tactics put forth by Cinderella in her ball-going debut isn’t exactly something the students of today could pick up on. The more common tactics for getting a date nowadays are either exceedingly direct, or entirely passive-aggressive. Whether you’re just getting out of a relationship, still in a relationship, or sick of being the pathetic third-wheeler, this guide is your perfect way to get yourself a date for the upcoming Presidents’ Ball.
Determine your Desperation:
The thing about GVSU, or maybe just the west side in general, is that everybody is already in a relationship. The students here at GV definitely don’t have a commitment issue, but what are the single ladies/dudes going to do about getting a date? Well, the first question you need to ask yourself is how desperate are you? From there, finding your date for a night in the clouds (or whatever it is) won’t be so hard.
Where to look:
If you’re pretty desperate, check with your roommate, the band, or someone from the Honor’s college to see if anyone knows anyone single. Your roommate, however annoying they may be, could direct you to a “friend” who’s also having a hard time finding somebody fun.
If you fail with that, just go for a band member or a kid at the Honor’s college. We all know that they typically don’t leave their dorms, and enticing them to break the stereotype will get them hyped for the party. Just be prepared to return them by 10:30 p.m. just in time for bed!
Or maybe you’d rather start a Tindr or OkCupid (please don’t) to meet your ideal lady for the night. Well, guess what? Everyone else has already done that so you need to find someone real.
Seduce the Pants Off Them:
We suggest seducing a close friend’s lover. You can start off by suggesting the three of you going together since you’re already their third wheel and of course your friend will agree because you’re best buds. From there, casually show up matching your friend’s date. Tell him you think that The Notebook was just the best movie ever made and remove your friend’s date from them to dance with. Everyone will see you dancing with a real life female and know you didn’t come alone.
It’s perfect because it totally takes the work out of trying to find someone to go with and you’re not the one stuck with the drunk at the end of the night. We cannot guarantee that you’ll remain friends with this person, however, so be cautious.
Play it Cool:
If you’re not all that desperate (you lucky bastard), just go by yourself. Hell, you’ll be the life of the party, only getting drunk enough to enhance your awesome personality and you can totally take home anybody you want. Just, you know, be warned that even if you think you’re awesome through the drunken haze, people will probably see you as more lonely and pathetic. But screw them. They need to get their beer goggles on. And who knows? Maybe someone will even take you home that night!