It’s no secret that there have been several recent cases of meningitis on UK’s campus, as students have received numerous emails warning of the seriousness of this illness. Due to this nature, what a perfect way to get out of taking midterms and allowing yourself to go on an early spring break! There are four steps to planning your potential getaway, and we’re here to break it down for you.
Step 1: The Anti-Vaxer Influence
The first step to making your sickness credible is to subtly convince your professor that you’re telling the truth. In class, distract the conversation from the topic of discussion to anti-vaxers. Then proceed to tell the class that your parents are anti-vaxers and that you’ve never been vaccinated. This will need to be done enough ahead of time so that it’ll make your story believable but not suspicious.
Step 2: The Early Sickness Symptoms
In class, start coughing a couple weeks before midterms and increase the severity of these coughs a little more each class. Start wearing pale powdered makeup and use a damp paper towel or wash cloth to create sweat droplets all over your forehead.
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Step 3: The Actual Illness
This step should be taken no more than one week before your midterm. This is where you need to give it your best shot in order for your professor to actually think there’s something wrong with you. Like in step two, continue with the coughing pattern. Instead of wearing pale powder makeup, use actual baby powder as this’ll make you look like you have barely any life left in you. Start shivering during class. Drool on the desk a little to freak your neighbors out. In order to maximize these effects, you need to be sure that your teacher is noticing your behavior so when they receive your email they’ll remember that you were the kid who looked like death in lecture the other day.
Step 4: The Follow Through
Two days before your midterm email your teacher and let them know that you’re in bed and absolutely cannot make it to your exam. If you want to make it more dramatic, write it like it’s from the perspective of a friend or roommate who is typing for you, and say that you’re on bed rest and so ill you can’t even muster up the energy to send an email. Be sure to say you’ve got meningitis. This is key, as the talk about it on campus is proof enough of where you contracted the illness, it’s not like you’re claiming you’ve got ebola or the zika virus. Mention that you’ll make the exam up as soon as you’re feeling better and if they have a soul, they should be completely understanding and let you make it up after spring break.
While this is all taking place, you can be packing your bags for an early spring break! Just make sure not to blow your cover, because you could get in a lot of trouble for this if they do find out. And hopefully you don’t actually get meningitis and miss spring break altogether. Either way, we’re almost there wildcats so hold on tight and we’ll have that week off before we know it!