When it comes to spring break, one can never be too prepared. The months prior are spent in the gym or the tanning bed preparing for the beach, but there are many other things that people often forget to do to survive and thrive over spring break. Here are some tips for spring break, noobs.
Prepare Your Liver:
The most overlooked part of spring break is the increase in alcohol. At the ILSTU, you know how to party, but spring break can get the best of even the toughest-livered Redbirds. Instead of dying, why not prepare yourself? Start now and buy a 30-rack for daily practice. That’s right, daily. It might get expensive but it’s worth it. You’ll thank yourself later when you can finally prove to everyone that you can drink with the best of ‘em. On the other hand, you can always just drink less… but no one likes a pussy.
Don’t Pre-Book a Hotel:
Spring break becomes too much of a luxury when people start booking extravagant hotels, airfare, and first-class flights. To do college spring break in the correct fashion, you have to fly by the seat of your pants and make spontaneous plans. Stay at a crappy motel, filled to the capacity with dirty college students. Or simply crash in the back of the van that you hitched a ride to Florida in. That, friends, is the right way to do spring break.
Pack Like You Mean It:
Swimsuits, towels, party clothes, and booze? Do you think that’s enough to get by? The Black Sheep doesn’t think so. To be fully prepared for spring break, you are going to want to bring your broken tennis racket, your parka, whatever you wore to senior prom, and all those other items you thought you’d never actually need. In fact, bring those winter boots too, just in case. Your travel companions will thank you for your excess of luggage when you guys come across a sexy hitchhiker who is headed to an intense tennis match and needs an extra racket.
Skip the Gym:
This is the number one mistake students make in prepping for spring break. When you walk around campus daily who needs to work out? The trek from your apartment to the Quad has to be at least a mile. You’re getting all the exercise you need. Plus, carrying a handle of liquor or a case of beer in each hand while you walk home from the liquor store each weekend is scientifically proven to be the best workout for college kids.
Forget Your Homework:
Homework, schmomework. Everyone knows that success in college isn’t measured by grades, but by how long you can do a keg stand and how many people you banged. Spring break is a time to focus on these collegiate skills. When you’re on vacation, how can professors expect you to get any work done? Leave your laptop, planner, and notes at home for the week, and enjoy your break. Plus, that 25-page research paper due the Monday after break will only take one night. Trust us, that’s what Adderall is for.
After a long-ass winter, being paler than usual is unavoidable without fake tanning. Instead of resorting to the fake and bake method, just own your paleness. Plus, think of all that color you will get when you pass out on the beach after one too many tequila sunrises. We hear “lobster red” is the new “goldfish orange.”
With these tips in hand, you’re sure to kill it on spring break. Just get really drunk, bring all of your shit with you, and don’t worry about the rest. Fortune favors the over-prepared, drunk, and sunburned (or so the saying goes).