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If UIUC Dorms Were Presidential Candidates

 

Dorm selection for the 2016-17 school year is now available! On a similar note, we’re only a few months away from the Presidential Primaries. And knowing you, you want to make sure that your dorm next year resembles your favorite candidate so The Black Sheep is here to help!

 

Busey-Evans – Hillary Clinton:
This one goes together like ramen and a college student: Busey-Evans is for girls only and Hillary is a feminist. If sending emails isn’t your forte then this dorm is for you. Busey-Evans is certainly ready for Hillary.

 

Taft-Van Doren – Deez Nuts:
Just a refresher, Deez Nuts is a legit candidate for President, but he still more often than not is going to come off as a joke. It just doesn’t seem like a feasible option to have him run the nation. Similarly, TVD may seem to be a joke because it just doesn’t seem like a feasible option to actually live in – it’s one of the things worse than the mumps.

 

Lincoln Avenue (LAR) – Lindsey Graham:
When LAR was originally opened in September 1949 (thanks Wikipedia!) it was knows as the “Women’s Residence Halls,” but has been transitioned (starting in 2011) into being the co-ed dorms they are today, so many alumni may think it’s females only. Similarly, when you think of GOP candidate Lindsey Graham, you probably think, “Wow, another female candidate!” Wrong. Graham is a man (with 0% of the vote). Thus, Lindsey Graham is LAR.

 

Snyder Hall – Rick Santorum:
Snyder is famously known for being “substance free” (it deserves those quotation marks). Santorum, the former Pennsylvania senator, opposes any legalization of marijuana. No substances, no drugs: a match clearly not made in Colorado, Oregon, Washington, or the District of Columbia.

 

ISR – Bobby Jindal:
After some intense Wikipedia research (this is fairly real journalism, you know!), it came to our attention that Bobby Jindal, a 44-year-old GOP candidate from the great state of Louisiana, has a chemical engineering degree. At that point we just took our stereotype of ISR that everyone is an engineer and put those two things together. ISR would be Bobby Jindal. That’s all. Now enjoy this picture of Jindal dressed like Mister Rogers.

 If UIUC Dorms Were Prez Candidates

Allen Hall – Bernie Sanders:
Old, a tad run-down, but constantly seeming to gain popularity among the younger people: words that describe both Unit One and Bernie.

 

Bromley Hall – Donald Trump:
Hmmmm. Rich, spoiled, selfish, arrogant, pompous, and outspoken. It’s starting to seem like Bromley was built based off the life of everyone’s favorite showman.

 

So, now you have a favorite right? If not, remember, you can sign up to stay in your same room (Barack Obama) until October 4! But, let’s be real, it’s time for something new. Bobby Jindal anybody?

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