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If You Replaced Famous Movies’ Main Characters with Cavman…

 

Have you ever been watching your favorite flick and thought You know what would make this better? Cavman. Well if you have, you have weird taste, and if you haven’t, welcome to an opportunity to explore what the biggest movies would look like if our beloved mascot took center-screen as the lead character in a slew of films. Cavman as Han Solo? Cavman as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? Cavman as both Lindsay Lohans in The Parent Trap? Sign us up!

 

 

Cavman as Jack from Titanic:

 

cav man titanic

 

As the compelling penny whistle solo of “My Heart Will Go On” plays quietly on deck during the Titanic’s maiden voyage, somewhere on board Cavman is stabling his horse in steerage where he’s traveling. Unlike Cavman’s normal esteemed position, he is a poor but unreasonably attractive boy on his way to England and he’s fallen in love with a girl from another world, perhaps a Hokie?

 

As if we didn’t already know that Cavman does it all (he ceaselessly destroys opposing mascots week after week on Hoovision and rides a horse like one equestrian motherfucker), he proves himself quite the artist when he paints Rose like one of his French girls. Step aside Jack Dawson, Cavman doesn’t surrender to a little hypothermia.

 

Notable quotes from the film:

Cavman: “Never let go.”

 

Rose: “I’ll never let go, Cavman. I’ll never let go.”

 

 

Cavman as Forrest from Forrest Gump:

 

Cav man Forrest Gump

 

We know UVA and its founding father champion are responsible for a lot throughout history, hello, Declaration of Independence, but what most of us didn’t know is that our beloved Cavman had a hand in our country’s past as well.

 

Who taught Elvis how to dance? A young Cavman that knew how to shake it. Who accidentally witnessed the Watergate scandal while bumbling around the hotel? Cavman. Invented the smiley face? Cavman post mud-slide down The Hill after a rainy game. As Cavman runs across that football field, we can’t help but hope that with that athleticism he’ll join our team. We’ve been taught that Jefferson is our claim to fame in the history game, but Cavman deserves a bit more credit.

 

Notable quotes from the film:

Everyone: “Run, Cavman, run!”

 

 

Cavman as Harry Potter from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:

 

cav man harry potter

 

Obviously Cavman is mystical. He’s at every sporting event without looking hungover, we have no idea what happened to his parents, and there’s a scary bald man that wants him dead, I’m talking to you, Buzz Williams. Cavman is clearly the famed boy wizard. Cavman exemplifies HP best in the Goblet of Fire, a giant competition between a bunch of schools, because in the end, just like in the ACC, HP/CM pulls ahead and makes us realize why we all attend Hogwarts UVA. When Cavman got that golden dragon egg in the first event, we knew he’d be a serious contender, but when Cavman makes it out of the maze and we have to hear Mr. Diggory screaming about his boy, we see a slight resemblance to “dejected UVA fan.”

 

Notable quotes from the film:

Malfoy: “Why so tense, Cavman? My father and I have a bet, you see. See, I don’t think you’re going to last ten minutes in this tournament. He disagrees. He thinks you won’t last five!”

 

Cavman: “I don’t give a damn what your father thinks, Malfoy! He’s vile and cruel, and you’re just pathetic!”

 

 

Cavman as Baby from Dirty Dancing:

 

cav man baby

 

“I’ve had the time of my life” is a phrase quite familiar to any fourth year. When it comes to knowing how to throw down on a vacation to a fancy resort in the Catskills, leave it to a Wahoo. When that Wahoo needs to step in as Johnny’s partner for the big show at the Sheldrake because Penny had an abortion, Cavman is your lady. The sexual tension between sexy Swayze and Jennifer Gray could only be made hotter by replacing her with a plastic swashbuckler with a killer Foxtrot. Cavman blossoms as he learns to dance, learns about himself and learns to love one steamy summer in upstate New York.

 

Notable quotes from the film:

Johnny: “Nobody puts Cavman in a corner.”

 

 

Cavman as Mufasa in The Lion King:

 

cav man lion king

 

As the face of UVA, Cavman is to us as Mufasa is to Pride Rock. However, if Cavman were head honcho on the African plains, we’re pretty sure he wouldn’t fall victim to a cruel stampede joke by his shittier brother, we see you UVA Wise Highland Cavalier mascot that wears Uggs and an oversized jacket/cape. No, if Cavman were Mufasa, he’d green dot that situation in a hot minute and carry his ass right out of that sketchy ravine. Cavman would raise Simba right until due time and would totally rock that mane. If the roles were reversed and Cavman were Scar instead of his more lighthearted brother, Cavman would be played by his understudy, a Hokie. Because they suck. Duh.

 

Notable quotes from the film:

Scar: “And here’s my little secret… I killed Cavman!”

 

Simba: “Nooo! Murderer!”

 

Notable quotes from the film with VT understudy:

Young Simba: “Hey, Uncle Hokie, will I like this surprise?”

 

Hokie: “Simba, it’s to die for!”*

 

*Hokie then kills Mufasa and continues to be a dick .

 

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