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Kellum Tear-Down Delayed Due To Back-to-Back Netflix Releases


For the last couple of weeks, a prominent feature of the FSU skyline has begun demolition. Kellum Hall started to be torn down and along with it, all our freshman year hopes and dreams. Many have begun to notice that little to no progress has been made on the destruction of everyone’s cherished residence hall. In fact, much of the building remains intact. Is this just because Kellum in and of itself refuses to be removed from campus? We’ve checked in with the demolition crew and this is not the case. The reality? The back-to-back release of two Netflix original series has remained the primary focus of those hired to destroy Kellum hall.


“When we put up the road sign saying that construction would be completed by the end of March, I knew in my heart that this was a lie,” Harry Westler, head of demolition, said. “I have had both House of Cards and Daredevil in my Netflix que for the last few months. My phone is set to notify me when the new seasons go live. That time has come.”


It appears the power of Kevin Spacey’s southern drawl matched with the high-intensity of Matt Murdock’s continued quest for justice has been enough to derail the demolition crew and ultimately stall the removal of Kellum Hall.


“I like Claire Underwood! She’s a real powerhouse. So what am I supposed to do when it’s getting late, but Claire is about to make a power play and an episode ends? The countdown on my computer starts and the next 15 seconds are a struggle of the wills. I end up pulling an all-nighter and use one of my sick days. One of the other guys will pick up the slack,” an anonymous member of the construction team said.


That very day 7 crew members called in sick or for other various reasons. One crew member was even quoted, saying his reason for missing work was, “There’s trouble in Hell’s Kitchen and crime doesn’t sleep.” We get the appeal of these shows. We’ve all been caught up in the mania in one-way or another, but this crew has truly been impacted in a way that is beyond normal.


“I don’t have a Netflix. I use my parent’s Hulu Plus account. No I don’t live with my parents. I just borrow the password to their account. Anyway, I’ve never been caught up in all that Netflix stuff. The other day I came to work only to find that I was one of 4 guys in for the day. The other three guys that were there were arguing over the true potential of a Jessica Jones and Daredevil crossover,” said John Hernandez, a Hulu Plus user and member of the demolition team.


Our hope for all is that eventually the project will get done. For now, Kellum stands half upright- a true testament to each one of our tendencies to begin a project or life goal, only to find it put on pause by the release of binge-able, must see TV. Let’s just hope that they finish the teardown before season 4 of Orange is the New Black is released. If not, God help us all.


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