Dear Black Sheep sh*tf*cks,
I am writing you on behalf of all students everywhere, and the entire UNCC population being very offended with your newspaper. The very title reeks of racism by calling yourself The BLACK Sheep — sheep are not black, he/she/they/it is African American. I burst into a fit of rage every time your flyers come into view on campus. Every one of your articles is so problematic to me and my fragile, sheltered mind; I have read every one of your articles and each one I read causes me to fall into complete and utter hysteria.
For example, that bathroom article you did was the most transphobic thing I have ever read! You listed all the best bathrooms on campus, but you didn’t even make mention of the unisex bathroom. That is the ONLY safe place to shit for those brave and beautiful snowflakes. You also told people to use the handicapped stall in the Epic building bathrooms. Aside from handicapped being an incredibly offensive word (they are handicapable dammit!), telling able bodied people to use a bathroom specifically meant for those who actually need it is flat out ableism and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
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Another article I was extremely offended by was the one where you completely misinterpreted my Feminist Thought class. That class is about much more than just complaining about the patriarchy and making picket signs. We also go on field trips to LGBTQIAWERYUOPSDFHJKZXCVNM+ rallies and burn effigies of straight white men. As a Women’s and Gender Studies major, I was amazed that an individual could be this ignorant.
If you thought I was finished, you have got another thing coming, because there many more problematic articles I need to address. Namely the one about the basic Halloween b word (I can’t even say it, it’s so triggering). You could not even begin to imagine how dehumanizing and slut shaming that article was. Try taking a class in real journalism and stop policing other people you racist, sexist, homophobic ageist shit bag!
Really I could go on and on about how all the articles you all have ever written are directly related to misogynistic appropriation of patriarchal mind rape racist culture and how you all need to check your privilege and educate yourself. Rather I’ll just say that this entire paper is full of ignorance trying to parade itself like real news. None of you will ever be real writers and I feel sorry for you all that you will never be on the right side of history.
I will continue to read your articles every day and write to you at least twice a week until you change your ways. I refuse to “just go somewhere else if I don’t like it.” I will share and comment on your articles as excessively as possible, just to make it clear to everyone how consistently offended I am. No social media platform is safe from my politically correct wrath; not Facebook, Twitter nor Tumblr. For I have made it my sworn duty in life to harass each and every one of you until your entire organization and everyone in it are all banned from the internet and Oprah Winfrey becomes president. Have terrible day you piece of shit, two-bit hacks.