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Life Lessons Courtesy of The Rocky Horror Picture Show

We get it. You’re a hipster because you’ve seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower and maybe you even read the book too. Double congrats for that. But perhaps you’ve never experienced part of Charlie’s bildungsroman story (thanks ENGL 3830 for that word)—The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Sure, it can be daunting when only Brownies or sensationally out of shape adults *read here: “old people”* know the callbacks. This coming Friday in Newcomb Theatre, there will be a showing of the cult classic and in case the sheer pressure was getting to you, there are many reasons you should go see it besides just a rite of passage. Did you realize that The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a movie that gives amazing self-help advice? Move over It’s a Wonderful Life, Rocky can help you get through college easier. Here are a few examples of the golden advice you can find when you come: 


1.) Be a Good Host: Nothing says “you’re welcome” like doing the “Time Warp” or stripping your guests down to their underwear in front of a group of cross-dressing sexualites. Try it next time and see if it doesn’t bring everyone in your posse closer. Always remember to serve appropriate snacks at your pre-game party, and cannibalism is acceptable under certain circumstances. Don’t forget about multiple wardrobe changes… you want to keep your guests entertained after all.


2.) Know Your Place in the Universe: If you’ve been struggling in that astronomy class to figure out where everything goes in the cosmic realm, Rocky can help you understand it better. This is an intergalactic movie featuring aliens, which sparks all sorts of debate among astrophysicists on whether extra-terrestrial life can exist. See? Rocky is a philosophical and scientific work that can help you pass your classes and aid you in understanding how you fit into the cosmos.


3.) Wise Up: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” If there’s one thing that The Rocky Horror Picture Show teaches us is that not everything appears like it is. This applies to that psych class that turned out to be a biology class. Seriously, wise up. Talk to people about classes before signing up this week. You can thank Richard O’Brien later. 


4.) Work Out: Not all of us were created with a physique like Rocky’s, and Frank reminds us that we have to work out to keep in shape. Do “press-ups, chin-ups, the snatch, clean and jerk” to help build up your deltoids, pecs, and… ooo… triceps. If it makes Frank want to shake, it’s good enough for us. For making the best use of the UVa gyms, here’s a handy list. 


5.) Give Yourself Over to Absolute Pleasure: Sometimes you just need to let your hair down and strut a little more. We’re sure that your media studies professor won’t mind if you chassé to your seat. Indulge yourself after working out, treat yourself to brunch and a massage. Have your parents come visit you so that you can celebrate your inner sweet transvestite.


So if you’re a complete virgin, don’t worry, the shadow cast doesn’t usually bite. Be prepared for obscene things to be shouted at the stage; but more than anything else, brace yourself to learn how to be a better student.

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