Currently, all of our moms are holding their annual meeting to finalize what music will go on the playlist at Turner Place for the 2014-2015 school year. For the last three years, our moms have met to curate a 15-song playlist that will play safe, comfortable music on loop for the remainder of the school year.
“Most of us agree that Top 40 pop hits from the mid-2000s are what the kids want to hear while they wait 45 minutes for a burrito,” said Alyssa R., spokeswoman for the committee that includes all of our mothers. “I love that Sara Bareilles, she’s just the sweetest thing.” According to Alyssa, our moms work long hours to come up with the perfect playlist of accessible, pleasant, not-the-worst-but-not-the-best music from the likes of mid-2000s superstars such as Colbie Caillat, Nelly Furtado, and Coldplay. “I don’t do this for me,” said Alyssa, “I do it for my son. Also, if you see him tell him to call me—the computer is doing that thing again.”
Not all moms are pleased with the selections, however. “It’s the same weak fuckboy music year after year. Throw some Biggie on there! At least a little Wu-Tang or something,” said Julie W., mother of two Virginia Tech students. Ayesha A., herself a Hokie alum, believes the current playlist is failing to provide students with the proper dining experience. “I worry about the children,” said Ayesha. “A growing mind needs two things—healthy, well balanced meals, and crazy, sick-ass guitar riffs. I just want my kids to have what I didn’t—totally fucking insane guitar solos.”
Grace G., a sophomore computer science student, isn’t so happy about the meeting, telling her mother, “Yes, mom, I’m getting enough sleep. Please go home.” Other students, however, are more optimistic, offering such praise as, “My mom sent you here to ask me this, didn’t she?”
While our moms continue to debate over what’s right for the playlist, they all agree that Kelly Clarkson’s “Mr. Know It All” should be added at least four or five times.