Virginia Tech, often lauded as the nation’s top undergraduate engineering program, will hold a council of its best and brightest students and professors in order to create a wireless network that doesn’t “suck total ass.”
“We’re working tirelessly to finally create a state-of-the-art Wi-Fi connection on campus,” said Professor Brazor of the engineering department, “featuring state-of-the-art capabilities such as access to the internet.”
Brazor, who is leading a team of engineers given the assignment to build a network that students can actually consistently connect to and take online exams without constant fear of becoming suddenly disconnected, thus failing everything, dropping out of school, and living the rest of their days as wandering vagrants playing wood flutes for change.
Brazor selected only the best students in the engineering and computer science programs to assist him in this effort. “It’s an honor to work with Dr. Brazor on this project,” said junior engineering student Kevin P., “maybe we can finally solve the problem of ‘wait, do I want VT Wireless or CONNECTTOVT-WIRELESS?’ ”
Terrance I., who calls himself an engineer despite having studied for only 5 months, is optimistic the project will succeed, “We’re putting routers everywhere—those are still a thing, right?”
“Progress so far has been slow,” Brazor told reporters, “Goddamn VT Wireless. I tried turning the Wi-Fi on and off…maybe I should just restart the computer. What? Password?”