It was only about two months ago when Mr. Donald Trump shocked the world with his announcement to run for president of the United States. His campaign made headlines, as he would be the first business mogul ever to run for presidency with the financial help of his real estate empire. Expecting the internet to be blowing up with news, I immediately googled “Donald Trump Presidential campaign” to see what came up. To my dismay, I was reading headlines such as “No, we’re not kidding. Donald Trump is running for president,” and “This is not a drill.” I couldn’t help but think, why is everyone being so mean to poor Donald Trump?
Like, look at these dicks at the Washington Post:
“Trump betrays very little sense of a thought process behind what he does and says. I don’t mean that in the sense that he’s not a smart man. But you see a lot of what we call ‘flat assertions,’ and when he does refer to evidence, it’s often information that almost no one else is able to replicate.”
-David Birdsell, some douchebag Baruch College’s School of Public Affairs and “one of the foremost authorities on the history of presidential debates.” More like one of the foremost authorities on presidential deFLATES if you ask me! Your mom betrays “very little sense of a thought process” behind what she does and says! Boom roasted.
“I personally think that leaving politics aside and approaching Trump from a purely rhetorical standpoint, he’s a magnetic television personality and a hugely entertaining speaker who is much more fun to watch than the other candidates. Because he speaks his mind unabashedly, is willing to take controversial and offensive stances on the strength of his convictions, and doesn’t care about being rude, he gives the impression of being an honest speaker. [All of that] is a welcome relief in a world full of talking points.”
-David Kimel from the Yale University Debate Society. He knows what’s up!! Donald speaks his mind and tells it like it is, and that’s who we need as a president. We need a guy whose words spill from his mouth before his mind can filter them, no matter who it’s going to offend. Whether it be an entire race (suck it up, Mexico) or a war hero (fuck you, John Mccain), Don Trump is a breath of fresh air!!
“I would characterize Trump’s style as dominating — dominating with soundbites. Now, he doesn’t do that with facts or intricate arguments, but with soundbites and aggression. I think a lot of traditionalists would say what we do know points to a very risky, maybe very colorful style on the debate stage. Right now with Trump a lot of his comments appear to be not vetted, not linked to traditional data and information sources that most candidates tend to rely upon. That is something that seems to appeal to some voters.”
-Angela Minor, an “attorney” from Washington. God, you guys are so mean! Why do women always have to be so catty? Psh, a woman attorney, we’ll see how she fares under President Trump. She must be on her period or something.
Just… leave Donald alone!!! All he wants to do is Make America Great Again® and you guys are being so mean to him. It’s not easy being richer than god, you know. Do you think he likes waking up and looking at his last name sprawled across a huge skyscraper? He didn’t even want all caps!
You think The Apprentice was easy? He was just trying to teach people how to be businessmen and sometimes women! He was trying to give back to the community and you guys didn’t even watch it!
That Jon Stewart (RIP) guy seems to be the only one that was nice to him when he found out he was running for president. He even thanked him in his monologue for making his last few weeks on the show truly great again. Jon Stewart knows a good man when he sees one!
Here, look at some quotes that prove he’s the man to Make America Great Again®:
“All of the women on The Apprentice flirted with me – consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” I mean, who wouldn’t? I know I would. When it comes to the Donald, women have no self-control (or control), I bet they were flocking to him. D-Trump got all the bitches.
“Show me someone without an ego, and I’ll show you a loser.”
Fuck yeah you will!
“You have to think anyway, so why not think big?”
Exactly! Took the words right out of my mouth. Let’s think big for America.
You guys need to be nicer to Donald – he probably hasn’t had an erection in years! I always hear people complaining about how shy and quiet he is, but maybe it’s because you all make fun of him all the time! He was so brave to announce his campaign for presidency, I was so proud of him. Caitlyn Jenner didn’t deserve the ESPN bravery award, Donald Trump did!
He’s so smart too. I was all worried when I found out his phone number was leaked. Poor Donald! So many mean people are going to be calling him*! But then I called it just to tell him it’s going to be okay, and it turns out it’s just a campaign promo. No one’s ever done that before! Wow!
*We actually called Donald Trump’s phone number to leave him a message. Sadly, the inbox was full. ????