Illinois State freshman Kacey Roberts’ parcel will never arrive at Watterson Towers. Unbeknownst to her parents, the package did arrive at ISU, but with the offset error of around 1,429 miles in Pocatello, Idaho… home of the Bengals.
Kacey is like any ordinary freshman out on her own for the very first time; clocking in hours at Milner and testing her alcohol tolerance on the weekends. She was delighted to hear that her parents were sending her a care package. The contents were delicious home baked cookies, her heavily-scratched Mean Girls DVD and her most coveted possession: a photo collage of her friends from high school (starring Lacy, Stacey, Tracy and even Rebecca, who went to Eastern Illinois of all places).
Kacey’s parents were a bit absent-minded, taking care of her younger siblings who were still in high school. They googled “ISU” and wrote down the first address they could find. Her parents sent off the package with little consideration of the other ISUs established around the U.S.
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Kacey was getting anxious. Where was the package? Did her parents just not care about her anymore? Kacey checked the online tracking of the package: “successfully arrived in ISU… in Pocatello!?” Where the hell was Pocatello? Something was not adding up. Kacey rung up her parents:
“MOM. DAD. WHERE IS THE PACKAGE? All the girls on the floor are quoting Mean Girls and I can’t quote the lines by heart anymore! I don’t even have my collage for decoration! Did you send it to the right address?”
“Kacey, calm down!” her mom soothed, “We googled it and everything. We saw your note, it said ISU! On a side note, you have really horrible handwriting. Does that mean you’re pre-med? Are you trying to be a doctor, honey?”
In the wake of this parcel pandemonium The Black Sheep sat down with Mr. and Mrs. Roberts to ask them what went wrong:
“Kacey has always been a very independent person; she even filled out all of her college applications by herself. By the time May arrived, we still had no idea where she was going! But we knew that she was going somewhere,” said Kacey’s mother, Sharon.
Her father, Greg, added, “While we were taking care of her siblings she’d mention something about being excited to get to Normal and we usually just replied with ‘yes, that’s nice honey we’re glad you want to be normal.’ We didn’t know that was actually the city she was going to. We just heard ISU and thought that was that. We’re just so darn fond of those acronyms.”
Meanwhile in the foothills of Pocatello Idaho, in the mail room of Turner Hall, agriculture science major Casey Robertson was checking his inbox. He was overwhelmed with excitement. He checked the contents of the package, was this from a secret admirer? Did he have fans from across the U.S.? He did upload a Kenny Chesney cover on YouTube two years ago, so maybe that was it. Casey didn’t have too many friends, so the care package was much needed. Kacey’s collage soon became a cherished shrine in 312 Turner Hall. It was weird.
When Casey wasn’t exercising his questionable eccentricities, he was being the most popular guy on his floor. With all of the delicious home-baked cookies and his Mean Girls screenings every Friday night, he was charming all of the girls in Turner.
Thanks to Kacey’s care package, Casey’s rise in popularity has made him an eligible candidate for a social media internship. And while Casey is working for the Idaho Potato Commission, poor Kacey is now forced to watch poor-quality Mean Girls clips on YouTube and eat $4 bagels at Einstein’s (instead of home-baked cookies).