A petition has been circulating the internet requesting athletic director Ross Bjork to change the mascot from Rebel Black Bear to Rebel Landshark. As many know, the Black Bear was a creation of the university’s public relations department to counteract a negative image. Many in the department genuinely believed that by rigging an election to get rid of the Colonel, the school would no longer be accused of hating black bears.
Unfortunately, students and alumni alike hate black bears more than ever. As Ole Miss gains in prominence on the gridiron, the lack of respect for the team’s own mascot appears on a national stage. Generally speaking, if fans of a team hate their mascot, it’s hard to “sell” the team to potential new fans.
Many students have realized this reality and have come up with their own alternatives to the black bear. The fact is that the no one trusts the school to actually come up with something better, so students submitted their ideas to The Black Sheep on what should replace the Rebel Black Bear.
Our writers gathered in a circle and pondered the reasoning behind the Rebel Ghosts. Our sportsball writer claimed that it must be a reference to the football team’s effort against Florida. Since no one on the staff watches any sort of sportsball, we shamed him for such references until he quit.
After calling security to remove him and his possessions from the building, the remaining writers realized that it was October. For whatever reason, when autumn starts people go into a frenzy over the changing seasons. Pumpkin Spice is tattooed on the necks of white girls and theatre kids throw costume parties three days into October. It’s absolute mania.
So we assume that the Rebel Ghosts was inspired by Halloween, the greatest pagan holiday involving candy and rubber masks. While some may argue the image of a bunch of Ole Miss fans wearing bed sheets to football games looks bad, we at The Black Sheep argue that they are actually already an unofficial mascot with certain aspects of the student body. As sorority shirts get larger and brighter, eventually they’re bound to look like bedsheets.
A throwback to the iconic Billy Idol song, this mascot would emphasize our school’s rebellious nature. Not just rebels, Rebels Squared. This idea is bound to gain popularity, as most people fucking love Billy Idol. His cameo in The Wedding Singer defined an entire generation of Adam Sandler fans.
While Sandler films may have fallen by the wayside, Billy Idol has not. Go to any bar in the Square on a Friday night and you’re bound to hear at least one of his four hits. The kids will be jitterbugging all night to some Billy Idol.
Rebel Meryl Streep
The actress paid in Oscars was seen wearing a shirt saying “I’d rather be a rebel than a slave.” Since it’s 2015, every action needs an overreaction. Many Americans were in a blustery outrage over this outrageously outrageous event. No doubt about it, Meryl Streep made a mistake in supporting freedom over slavery.
But the fact is, despite her anti-slavery sentiment, Streep’s elegance, beauty, and heroics overwhelm her mistakes. Just like the elegant, beautiful, and heroic Caitlyn Jenner. The same way America can ignore the crimes that Jenner commits as a driver, so too can we ignore Streep’s blatant bigotry against slavery. And for that, Streep is worthy of more than Oscars. She can be represent more than just characters, but real life characters at Ole Miss. On a sideline. The role every actress dreams about.