Public service announcement: Christmas is in 4 weeks. For those of us struggling to make ends meet and counting pennies for a pack of ramen noodles, this time of year can be a monetary death sentence. It’s not about what you receive; after all, it’s what you give. For college students that live grandparent’s-holiday-check to check, the concept of giving really isn’t even a possibility. This year The Black Sheep has created a Pitt holiday shopping guide to help you become the thriftiest, most effective gift giver of all time. Your friends and family will certainly not go empty handed with this many affordable possibilities, some of which are just a click away on the Free and For Sale page.
10.) Reduced Price Gum:
Who doesn’t love a good pack of indigestible synthetic rubber? Not any of your friends, we bet. And get this—it’s two packs! Consider this the gift that keeps on giving, because if they swallow that shit it’ll be in their stomach for 7 years minimum! And God bless this generous soul for giving you the chance to own an already cheap as fuck item for cheaper than fuck. Enjoy this deal for the next 10 days before it expires (no worries, just the green one).
9.) Pitt Shop Promotional T-Shirts:
Depending on how many years you’ve been a Pitt student, and how many Christmases you already used this hack for—your family will never know that the hilariously basic fluorescent Pitt t-shirt you got them was only $3, because everything else in this store is priced for the 1% without the student population in mind. Rather than spend $45 on a long-sleeved version of the same exact thing, encourage the recipients of this gift to layer for added warmth (totally fashionable).
8.) “A Little Too Much” Bra:
A gift for that “special” voluptuous person in your life… a bra that adds an entire boob to the one you already have. It’s never been worn (or so it says), but we have our doubts… this looks like a lingerie surprise that never happened. It’s like the tits edition of Van Gogh’s Starry Night.
7.) The Shitty Present You Got Last Year:
Just don’t give it back to the person who gave it to you.
6.) Used Chameleon:
For what, you ask? We’re not entirely sure. This cute little dude is the perfect companion for those of you who like to blend in with the crowd (get it?). He’s cuddly, pre-caged, probably potty-trained, and did we mention FREE?
5.) Homemade Coupon Cop-Out:
Sell yourself into service with a homemade coupon book full of whatever the hell you think will take the place of a tangible gift. Nothing says “I blew all my money on alcohol this semester” like a construction paper coupon book redeemable for things you should be doing anyway (like hugging your mom) but will accept a coupon to carry out.
4.) Orange Wallet?:
Because, ya know… we saw this and immediately thought of you… or whatever…
3.) Free Crap From the Activities Fair:
We know the bag is still sitting in the corner or your room untouched since syllabus week. School of Social Work chapstick? WPTS sticker? And all of the pens!!! Gift away.
2.) Anything You Can Buy with Dining Dollars:
You gotta use them anyway! What rivals grandma’s cooking? Market-to-Go. Contribute chips and salsa to your family’s holiday dinner. Or just give your cousin a whole bunch of beef jerky and Mountain Dew. Trust us, he’ll love it.
1.) Expired Snack Pack Pudding:
Fuck yes. Snack Packs are timeless.